the unique tragedy

I just saw a videothat is part of a video series about death entitled For Those Left Behind, by ustaz Omar Suleiman from the Yaqeen Institute (https://yaqeeninstitute.org/watch/series). This particular episode (https://yaqeeninstitute.org/omar-suleiman/ep-11-losing-a-child-for-those-left-behind) talks specifically about parents losing a child.

Briefly, few points from the video:

1. Losing a child is a unique tragedy. For parents, having to grieve for a dead child is one of the heaviest and greatest trial in life. 

2. All children are pure, and they will definitely enter Jannah. They will also wait for their parents at the gates of Paradise. This is true whether they are children of believers or non -believers, whether they died after having lived for awhile, or miscarried as fetuses.

That is why, it was mentioned in the video, that we do not have to worry for the children that have died, for they are pure, and they are definite dwellers of the Paradise. It is us, the adults that are left behind that need to live on with the pain. And if we were to do it right, the way Allah intend us too, we will meet our dead children in Paradise as well.

3. The prophet himself, Muhammad (pbuh) lost 6 of his 7 children! And still, he himself cried, despite knowing about Allah's promise of what happens to these children in the hereafter, despite him already being able to see and smell Paradise with Allah's will. 

It is okay therefore, to be sad, to cry, to grieve. It is okay to acknowledge this great pain, as long as we accept the loss humbly and be thankful always to the Almighty for it. Allah has promised us the rewards - protection from the hellfire, and chance of seeing the children again in Paradise. We just need to make sure we continue to strive for it, insyaAllah.

 Subhanallah!

beauty and the bitches

Real life conversations that I've too frequently encountered, different versions and actual details, but  never failing in leaving me appalled & dismayed at the similar responses/comments.

Makcik: Kawan kau tu dah kawen ke belum?
Me: Belum, single lagi.
Makcik: Laa..apasal belum kawen. Lawa je budak nya acik tengok.

HO: This baby's mother is young, only 18yo. And this is her 2nd child.
Pakar: Is she married? How old is her other child?! How is she coping? Did anybody talk to her?
Matron: Yes. She came in the other day. She's really pretty, doctor. No wonder she was married really young.

MO: This baby is the 1st child for the mom's current union. She already has 6 other children from 4 different partners.
Pakar: Says here she's unemployed. Are all her children with her? How is she caring for all 7 children? Has anybody spoken her?
Sister: Yes doctor. She's a real player, this one. She's not even that pretty!

Colleague: Where were you? We called you few times to see if you could join us for lunch.
Me: I was seeing a case in Gynae ward, a 14 yo girl presented to ED with abdominal pains, just found out she's actually pregnant. Worst, she was raped by her own brother!
Colleague: Gosh, poor girl!! Is she pretty?

You see where I'm going with this?

If a woman got married young/early, most likely it is because of her looks.
If a woman has multiple partners, or is a "player", it must be because of her looks too, because we totally can't understand it if it's otherwise!
And the poor girl/woman who was raped, it was probably because the man who did it couldn't resist her looks!

Disgusting when I put it that way, right?
If asked again, why do you ask that (on whether she is pretty)?
The answer is often "Oh am just curious."
But that's not really what we're implying.
That's what our society is teaching our children.
That looks matter.

When I say society, for this matter, I'm sorry to say, it's mostly us, women.
The witches and bitches.
Suka sungguh gosip.
It's really not healthy ladies.
Can we change?
Will we change?

mind your language - Canadian version

Me. 1st year in Canada. Talking to a Canadian classmate.
Tutor: Where in Malaysia are you from again?
Me: Kuala Lumpur.
Tutor: Oh, I thought the other day you said you were from somewhere else. Kay Elle or something.
Me: Yes. K. L. Short for Kuala Lumpur.
Tutor: Oh hey, yea. Smart!

Me.1st year med school. Presenting a medical case to my tutorial group.
Me: So the patient was then given adenosin as treatment.
Canadians: What's that?
Me: What's what? Oh, the treatment?
        Adenosin.
Canadians: Urm..never heard of it. What is it again? A drug?
Me: Yes. A drug. Ah-Day-No-Sin
Canadians: Gosh, maybe we're just not catching it eh? Can you say it again, slower this time...
Me: (wrote ADENOSINE on the whiteboard)
Canadians: Ahhhhhh.....eh-deh-ner-zieene
Me: Hee...

1st year med school. A Malaysian friend talking to a Canadian classmate.
Canadian: So are you going anywhere for the holidays?
Malaysian: Yes, I'm going to OTTawa actually.
Canadian: Ott-Ta-Wa ? Is that in Japan?
Malaysian: No. OTTawa here. In Canada. Your capital ciTy?
Canadian: Oh? Ohhhhh..  You mean Oar-da-wa.
Malaysian: Haa..yes.

Me. Bumped into Canadian classmate in town.
Canadian: Hey Emie! How're you? That's a nice sweater you have on. Where'd you get it?
Me: Oh thanks. I just got it at HSC over the weekend.
Canadian: HSC? Never heard of it. Where is it at?
Me: Um.. you know, Halifax Shopping Center, the mall?
Canadian: Owhh.. H.S.C.!
                 For Halifax Shopping Center!
                 That's clever! You guys sure like to shorten everything eh?
                 Remember K.L?
Me: (owh gawd)...

mind your language - Malaysian version.

At the clinic.
Scene 1. Chinese parents bringing in their baby.
Father: Doktor, tolong vakum ini budak.
Doctor: (hah?) Apa maksud you mau vakum?
Father: Dia sudah banyak hari bagut bagut.
Doctor: (hah?) Err.. apa tu
Mother (to the father) : Shenme sie "bagut"?
Father (to the mother): Kesou
Mother: Hiyaa.. BATUK la. Doktor, dia batuk batuk. So kita mau doktor vakum dia.
Doctor: Oo.. batuk ye. ada selesema? Flu?
Parents: Haa.ada leh. Banyak.
Doctor: Ooo.. so you mau saya "suction".. err.. sedut dia punya nose la?
Parents: Haaa yea..dia punya nose, kasi vakum!

Scene 2. Chinese grandmother asking about meds
Grandma: Doktor, itu ubat kalau saya simpan dalam peti surat berapa lama boleh simpan?
Doctor: Kenapa simpan dalam peti surat??
Grandma: Sudah pakai sikit, ada lebih, so saya simpan sana peti surat la.
Doctor: Oo.. u mean peti sejuk ka? Fridge?
Grandma: Haa...yea yea. Berapa lama boleh?

Scene 3. Foreign medical student presenting after getting history from an Indian mother regarding her child.
Student: Child has fever but no other symptoms suggestive of URTI.
Doctor: What sort of symptoms?
Student: There is no cough. No coryza. No sore throat.
Doctor (looking at the child sneezing, snorting, coughing right in front of them): Umm..
Student: I know doctor! But I asked the mom she kept saying no.
Doctor (to child's mother): Mak, anak you ada batuk?
Mother: *wobbles head* Ada.
Doctor: Ada selesema?
Mother: *wobbles head* Ada.
Doctor (to student): How long have you been in Malaysia?

SELAMAT HARI MALAYSIA!

kenapa anak saya takut doktor? (based on real-life events)

Scenario 1:
I meet an old frend/relative with his/her cute kid. Kid starts coming to me arms outstretched to salam or mintak dukung. I stretch my arms too, ready to receive the incoming bundle of cuteness and affection.
Kid's mom/dad: "Adik, acik ni doktor tau. Adik takut doktor kan?"
Kid: *patah balik* tak jadi kawan
Me: Dengki la. Kau memang nak anak kau benci aku ke apa?
What really bugs me: *Dahle le kau panggil aku acik!*

Scenario 2 (this happens ALL the time, but I especially hate it when it happens when I am just about to examine a kid):
Kid's mom/dad: "Haa, cucuk dia doktor, cucuk dia ni. Dia nakal sangat!"
Kid: *looks at me with those big eyes, lips tremble, mouth opens and .. *CRYYYY (as loudly as a kid can cry)
There are multiple reactions to this one ..
Me: *Acute deafness*
or ..
Me: Olololo ..tak cucuk la.. *dan ayat2 pujuk seerti dengannya*
or ..
Me: Dengki la uols. Kan dah nangis. (mood still good, laugh with parents)
or ..
Me : Donkey la korang  #@**!!^&;^%$#! (mood out, temper in, what I really wanna say, but dont say la of course, dalam hati only)

tak menjawab soalan (based on real-life events) part 3

Q = Question asked by me.
A = Answer I get.. or rather did not get.

Sometimes it may be due to hearing (wrongly heard) and sometimes maybe because the questions are not specific enough.

Scenario 1
Q : Aku tak pernah jumpa lah si polan binti polan tu? Orangnya baik tak?
A : Oh, aku selalu jumpa dia. Orangnya ..badan besar-besar.
Q : ..erk.. so baik ke tak baik tu?

Scenario 2
Q : Anak you tengah demam ni, makan minum semua ok?
A : Ok doktor.
Q : Bagus. Jadi tak ada muntah2?
A: Muntah2 ada.
Q : Oh, ada muntah. Jadi minumnya cukup ke tak tu?
A : Minumnya kurang doktor. Makan pun sikit.
Q : Baiklah. Kencing berak semua ok?
A : Ok doktor.
Q : Tak ada cirit birit?
A : Cirit birit start pagi ni doktor.
Q : .... Anak you tak sihat ni dah ada bagi apa2 ubat?
A : Tak ada bagi ubat lagi doktor.
      Kecuali ubat demam.
Q : (doktor pun rasa cam nak demam mak oii)

discharge please

"Tak boleh discaj ke doktor? Doktor saja je kan nak tahan anak saya lama2 kat wad ni,"
"Cucuk sana cucuk sini. Doktor nak buat anak saya bahan ujikaji/eksperimen ke?"

These are comments that my colleagues and I are quite familiar with receiving.
My short and immediate response?

"Tak."

Honestly, as a paediatrician working in a busy government hospital, I definitely do NOT want my ward to be full with patients. I prefer to have zero admissions. If patients do need to be admitted, I will try my best to make sure that they don't have to stay more than they have to. In paediatrics, patients are babies, infants, toddlers, children. So lagi la orang kata "Kasihaaann. Budak kecik."
So yes, the less veins we need to prick, the less pain we need to inflict, the better.
Believe me, even though pricking patients for blood or IV cannulation will help junior doctors to master this skill, no house or medical officer ever groans at me when I tell them "no need to take blood" or "no need to insert IV line". Lagi diorang happy adala.
For us, the less work the better.

So why do we still admit patients to the ward? Why do we keep some of them longer in the ward compared to others? Why do we send multiple investigations, not just blood, but also, urine, stools, sputum and even the often "feared" spinal fluid sometimes?

Well, why are the children brought to the clinic/hospital in the first place?

Children don't bring themselves to the clinic/hospital.
I do not go to your house or look around town for ill children to take with me to hospital.
YOU bring them, you the parents and caregivers.
Because you are worried that something is not right with them. They may be sick. Ill. Unwell. Not their usual self. Have a toy stuck up their nose. Breathing funny. Whatever.
If they are okay, we reassure you and send you home. If they are unwell, but we think you can just treat them at home, we send you home. But if we think otherwise, we ask to admit the child.

Various reasons.
The child is too ill.
We don't know what's going on so we need to investigate.
We think we know a little bit but we need to make sure.
We do know what's going on, but the treatment needs to be given in the ward/hospital, not at home.

Why do we keep them long in the ward?
Various reasons as well.
The child is too ill.
The treatment needs to be given a long time.
The treatment is not working. We need to try another way/treatment.
We still do not know what's going on.

Definitely NOT because we like or saja-saja.
We may "try" different treatments, especially if one is not working, but we're definitely NOT doing "experiments" or treating your child as a lab rat. We may not have all the answers but we can't and won't just give up that easily.

In the end, we want the same things as you. For your child to get better, so we can discharge you.
Less patients in the ward/clinic, means less work for us.
We do like having less work.
Don't take it personally.
We assume when there is less work for us, there are also less sick children out there. And that's always good.

Ah. But there are people that say to me "But that's how you make money whaaat."

Again, I reiterate, I work in a government hospital.
Ada patient ka, tak ada patient ka, gaji aku sama whaaaaat.

Jom lari!

A: Aku stress. Berat dah naik.
B: Jom lari!
.......
A: Aku stress. Banyak kerja/projek/assignment/exam (pilih).
B: Jom lari!
.......
A: Aku stress. Duit takde. Hutang banyak.
B: Jom lari!
.......
A: Aku stress. Gaduh ngan laki/bini/anak/gf/bf/bff/adikberadik/cikgu/boss/binatangpeliharaan (pilih).
B: Jom lari!
.......
B: Aku stress.
A: Apalagi. Jom lari!
B: Aku baru lepas lari le ni. Tapi tak dapat upload lak kat running/health app ni. Penat je lari sejam.
A: Pulak..
......
#larisebabstress
#stresssebablari