KONY 2012 - save the children

Whatthe hey-? A medley.

1st week back in Melaka. Conversation with one of the bosses:

JT: so, in case you don’t know this yet emie, our department here is very fertile..
Me: huh?
JT: yea, everyone seems to end up pregnant here.. so I better warn you.. ha-ha (nervous laugh)
Me: umh.. ha-ha (real nervous now..whatthe hey-)

2nd week in Melaka. A female security guard waved at me, she actually remembered my face.
Guard: Hey doktor, lama tak nampak.
Me: ye kak, saya pindah KL 2 tahun.
Guard: oo..sekarang dah balik sini balik?
Me: ye kak *smile*
Guard: oo..baguslaah… Gemuk dah doktor sekarang ye!
Me: ..haha..yelah kak .. *smile*

The next day. Same guard, smiled at me. I smiled back.
Guard: Doktor, dah memang kerja balik sini lah ye?
Me: ha, ye kak..
Guard: Doktor gemuk betul la sekarang ye..
Me: ..haaa.. y e .. k a k… *smile paksa*

Later that same day. Same guard, with another guard. I could feel it coming. Smiled at me and waved. I waved back. Prayed that the elevator doors would open immediately as I pressed the button. They were  just a few feet away from me.
Guard (telling the other guard): tu doktor tu kerja sini dulu, sekarang dah balik sini balik. Dah gemuk dah dia sekarang..dulu kurus.
Me: (whatthe hey-?) *acute depression*

2nd month in Melaka. Doing post-call rounds in adult ICU, 7am, in scrubs, haven’t showered yet. Approached by the ICU staff:
RN: doktor, you HO(houseman a.k.a graduated doctor in-training AND mostly very young) GA(general anaesthesia) ke HO surgery?
Me: *Stunned*
RN: Eh, doktor, doktor ni HO GA ke HO surgery?
Me: err..saya MO (a.k.a medical officer..and mostly older more mature doctor)  ..
RN: oh ye ke.. sorry, sorry, ingatkan houseman tadi.
Me: (what the hey-? You made my day!!!) *perasan smirk ON!*

Just yesterday.  Doing oncall morning rounds by myself. Approached by a houseman from my own department, who has worked with me for at least the past one week:
HO: you jaga jaundice cubicle jugak ke?
Me: huh?
HO: you jaga jaundice cubicle jugak ke?
Me: still huh?
HO: …realization hits as she slowly starts to recognize and remember who I was again ….oh, sorry doctor, I thought you were the houseman here…so sorry..
 and dengan penuh sheepish-nya she left me…
..and again I was stunned.
Ok, but that HO memang known for her dumb-blonde attitude lah... but, seriously?
Whatthe hey-?

ouch! crushes hurt too.

i had this huge crush on this guy for the past 2 years. but a crush is a crush.. nuthin serious, not to the point that i wanted to do anything about anyway. friends who knew about him did "layan" me for fun, teased me, asked me to kirim salam (sheeshh.. the more i write this the more high-school it sounds..so embarassing!!)
so anyway, like i said, it was fun while it lasted, it felt "light" and harmless..another eye-candy for me, or so i thought until i found out that he is now engaged and soon to be married (dont ask me how i know or found out, because it is sooooooo high school tween stalker stuff, it'll make me look even more pathetic). i was shocked, because i thought he was still single, like, dont-even-have-a-gf-single, and now he's soon to be married!! and boy was i crushed. i surprised myself even, cuz i didnt think i actually cared so much :(
sorry heart, i let u down.

me.uptodate.

o wow.
it is now 2012, and we're already a week into February.
my last entry was many many many moons ago.

where do i even start?

last year was a very trying and tiring year indeed. i remember how last year, 2011, started for me.
i was oncall on that last day of the year 2010, when the country won a football game against indonesia, and the people were given a public holiday for that.. but being the doctor oncall on that day, i still had to work anyway, but it's now made worse by the fact that i was oncall on a public holiday instead of just a weekday, which we doctors hate.. i also later realized that i was working through the new year's eve of which the numbers were turning into 1.1.11.
imagine, the number a lot of pregnant mothers had been eyeing to be their babies' birthdate.
it was one-hell-of-a-busy call.
i was flat, dead tired the next day, which was new year's day 2011, the day i had dreaded coming, as i was gonna turn 36 on that day, and for some reason i was really depressed about that. that was how last year started for me.

and then it was all blurry.

 all i could remember were the damn exams!! it was like  this huge gravitational thing, that no matter whatever else i was doing, whoever else i was supposed to be with or shud be concentrating on, it kept pulling my attention back to it. no matter what i did, and as much as i hated it, and hate to admit it, it became the center of my so-called universe, the one thing i hated most but could not ignore. yuck. i dont remember much about what went on last year except for the bloody exams, i even remember just staying at my aunt's place studying, even during Eid!
so thank God Almighty that it passed.  i passed. only with God's great mercy and grace of course.

during those hated days studying for the exams, just as it was looming round the corner, my family was hit by the news that my mom has breast cancer. she found a lump during a self-exam, and we had it checked, and it was cancer. no family history, nothing. my mom was always conscious about her heath ,and had been quite healthy. she underwent the surgery to remove the tumor just after my written exam,  and is currently still undergoing chemo. she has lost a lotta weight ,and hair..but we have God to thank again that she is otherwise quite well. except for the few days after she gets her chemo when she'll be a bit weak from all the nausea and vomiting, on regular days she is otherwise up and about as usual around the house.

then, relieved that the exam was finally over, so i can perhaps now concentrate on my family especially my mom.. i was told to leave KL and go back to work in Melaka. such mixed feelings i had when i got the news..
i hated working in (UM)KL, but staying at my parents' house was a real bessing.
to be back working in Melaka would not be bad at all, i think, as anywhere is better than where i was (UM), but it also means having to part ways with my mom again, at a time when i feel like i should be around her more. but i followed orders and back to melaka i went.

then all of a sudden, as friends and relatives started to find out about my mom's illness, we were struck with another sudden sad news, my uncle..my mom's only sibling, her older brother.. died in an MVA, after his motorbike was hit by another bike. i could only imagine what my mom must have been feeling that day. we needed to stay strong for her, for my uncle's family, my cousin, and our opah.

all the sad stories aside, we did have things to be happy and thankful about. my parents got another grandson, in the name of Azhan Nazrie, my sister's 3rd kid, born on 27th May 2011. along with the 2 older kids, Amirah and Aliff, they remain our greatest loves, bringing us joy every time they are back from bintulu for a visit.

i got an aparment of my own, altho i havent had the chance to properly stay there yet. i also finally departed from my 1st baby-kelis3037-who had witnessed many tears, blood n sweat shed by me at her steering wheel. and i'm not ashamed to admit i bawled like a baby the day i gave her away..but it was in exchange for my current beau-PaulthePolo, so i recovered rather quickly. (yes, i name my cars.heee)

i feel like there were more to 2011 than what i've typed so far, but my mind is drawing a blank right now. probably it was those damn exams again, obscuring parts of my memory in my brain, or maybe i'm out of practice, havent made an entry in here for almost a year now.

i'm happy to report that i welcomed the new year more readily this year, even though it still brought with it another bigger number for my age as expected. i spent each meal on that day with different people, completing it off with a durian feast courtesy of my beloved brother. so i had a good birthday. probably because i also made sure that this time, i was not oncall that new year's eve.  i think people just love getting a kid on new year's day, coz let's face it, it IS cool to have new year's day as your birthday.

my current life soundtrack

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

....................................................................................................................


Not a fan of miley cyrus, but this song fits with what's going on with my life right now.
sigh.
so i'm just gonna have to go at it again in 6 months time.
sigh again.
hopefully this "failing pattern" of mine stops then. once and for all.
God help me.

kim clijsters is cool!!

melancholic merapu

seeing things i shouldnt be seeing.

hearing things i shoudnt be hearing.

saying things i shouldnt be saying.

infuriating.

annoying.

frustrating.

disappointing.

depressing.

feeling like i shouldnt have these feelings.

hating for hating.

hating for loving.

loving to loving.

infuriating.

frustrating.

disappointing.

depressing.

dreaming, dreaming, and dreaming.

wanting.

why even bother wishing.

is it worth, the praying?

knowing that i shouldnt have these feelings.

drowning.

in desperation.

in own stupidity.

jodoh, jodoh, where art thou, jodoh?

someone said this to me a few weeks back:

you know, God make jodoh for each person in this world. there is no such thing as "tak ada jodoh". there is only lambat or cepat. so you know, dont give up on your jodoh, emie. he is out there for you. you just have to keep your eyes open, and you must always..believe.

sheesh. i felt like i was reading a "poyo" script in a malay tv drama.

i already know all that. why did this person feel like i need to be told of this again? am i giving the impression that i've given up? or that i dont think that i have a jodoh?

although i've to admit that i am lazy about keeping my eyes open.. coz whenever i have the chance, id like to catchup on my precious sleep.

but i digress.

yes, ok, so i know my jodoh is out there somewhere. he's just not here yet because:

1) he lives in another continent, and still has no idea where malaysia is

2) he's lost in his 4x4 in a remote jungle somewhere on his way to finding me

3) he's still too busy with his humanitarian work

4) he's still too busy governing his country

5) he's still too busy with his duties as sultan of his state (or country!)

6) he's a race car driver, who got into an MVA on his way to see me

7) he's dead (see you in the afterlife, baby!)

8) he got cold feet

9) he decided to turn gay instead

10) he hasnt turn 21 yet

11) he's not of legal-driving age yet

12) he's not baligh yet

13) he's just plain lazy (now THERE's a match made in heaven!)

huh. so i guess these can also double up as comebacks whenever people also ask "how come you're not married?" (see previous blog a few entries back)

call paeds, the placenta is coming!

scene in the operating theater while a friend of mine was standing by with a nurse for a delivery.

RN: by the way doctor, just to let you know, we have another case after this.

MD: ok, what's the case?

RN: MRP

MD: ... ?? err... Manual Removal of Placenta??

RN: yes doctor.

MD: ...??? and you want me to standby?

RN: yes doctor.

MD: ..(turning blue from trying not to laugh)... err kak, saya doktor sambut baby, tak sambut placenta!!

RN: oh, ye ke doktor?

Games backs safe sex despite plumbing problems

NEW DELHI (AFP) - – Commonwealth Games chief Mike Fennell said he was happy to see competitors engaging in safe sex at the athletes village even if it caused problems with the plumbing.

Reports claimed that thousands of used condoms had been clogging up the toilets at the village, which is home to 7,000 competitors.

"This shows that athletes are being responsible and are promoting safe sex," said Commonwealth Games Federation president Fennell on Thursday.

The Daily Telegraph reported a condom vending machine had been installed at the village, containing around 4,000 contraceptive packs.

help! my baby is laughing..

heard this from a friend of mine, who saw a patient, a 1+ yr old malay baby, brought to the hospital for a burn injury to the face.

history taken: parents were worried that their child may have been "possessed" by some spirits. reason?

the kid likes to laugh and babbles by himself, even when there was no one around (lemme remind you again, the kid is just past 1 year old, not even speaking very much yet at all, so if you ask me... he's perfectly normal!!).

so what do the parents do?

they brought the kid to a bomoh (of course!). and the bomoh did the usual..mutters a few words of mantera.. burn some kemenyan.. carry the burning kemenyan in its little claypot container thingy over the kid's head and "smokes" him (or the spirits out-God knows), and .. whoops! the container tilted..and whoops! all the burning kemenyan fell onto the poor kid's face!!

kid cries, of course (he obviously wont be laughing for quite awhile..at least not until he's in good spirits again). according to my friend, good thing the eyes were not affected, or he could've been blind!

sheesh..

scary-part deux

thank the Lord. alin's sister is back with the family! i'm so happy and relieved for alin and her family.

now that i know she's safe, i thought i'll just share here what alin told me she had to go through in search of her sister.

after they've made the police report, her family tried to contact her sister on her cell, as she later did send an sms to her mom, telling her she's with a friend or sth like that. when they tried again, her cell was off. so they asked if maxis could help locate where she was based on the sms. maxis wouldnt release the info without a letter or order from the police. so they went back to the police to ask for the letter. guess what the police told alin?

"oh saya cuti hari ni, so esok sajalah ambik surat tu!"

wtf?

alin of course, i can imagine, got angry la.. the more you delay the process, the further away her sister would be, and more difficult for them to trace!

so she went back and wrote a formal email of complaint to the PDRM website.

her dad in the meantime, got a direct number to the super-chief of police, and complained directly.

and barulah the sergeant got on his ass to issue the order and trace the number from maxis. and they found out that her sister could be in penang already! if they had waited the next day..tah2 dah across the border!

i mean, cuti tu cutilah, but takkan tak ada orang ganti?

and it's not a sempoi case like my friend got her cat stuck in a tree, it's her young sister freakin' missin'!

sheessh..

scary!

http://www.bharian.com.my/bharian/articles/Remajahilangkandirimahucarikebebasan_ketenangan/Article

my fren alin's sister went missing 3 days ago. as i'm posting this i'm not sure if she's back yet, coz last i talked to alin just this evening, apparently her sister had contacted the family and was supposed to be sent home by her so-called friend tonight. i drove past her house just now, but there were already lots of cars parked in front, including the police, i assume she is back, alin havent replied my text yet. God, i hope she's back, safe and sound.

cakap biar terang, doc!

a friend at work shared with me this one:

- her brother, who i take it from her description, is a bit on the overweight side, asked her opinion regarding a symptom he is having. she advised him to do a few blood investigations, which include few that requires him to fast first...lipid, sugars, etc. so she told him "ingat, puasa tau pegi amik darah2 tu".

so the brother literally "puasa" la.. .. he even woke up at 4 am to drink a full mug of milo as "sahur", and went to take the bloods at 7 am.

obviously, she only has herself to blame, for not clarifying to the brother earlier on how it actually works ;)

this one happened quite awhile ago already, at the previous place where i worked. i probably blogged about it already too, cant remember, but i still think it's funny..hehe.

- a chinese colleague was asking in malay, a young girl's parent whether her kid ever had an ultrasound done to look at her kidneys, "puan, anak puan punye buah pinggang ada pernah tengok tv ka?"

haha!

"to cure sometimes, relieve often, comfort always"

yesterday i saw this early morning show on tv called "tanyalah ustaz".

the topic was "jin & alam ghaib".

interesting, and something i have not much knowledge about, so i sat down to watch while taking my breakfast before leaving for my oncall.

at one point the ustaz was telling the viewers to always consider alternative medicine, in this case, perubatan islam- whenever we fall sick , and especially when doctors/modern medicine are unable to find the cause or definite diagnosis for the medical problem.

but then he also went ahead and made a statement which totally shocked me, that i almost choked on my karipap sardin!

he actually went on to advise viewers "bila2 doktor tak dapat cari punca atau diagnosis untuk sesuatu penyakit itu, mereka mesti nak mintak satu- ambil sum-sum tulang. tuan2 dan puan2.. kalau boleh, cubalah elakkan dpd perkara ini.. ambil sum-sum tulang ini adalah amat bahaya.. boleh menyebabkan lumpuh. jika doktor mintak ambil, cubalah dulu cara lain. ingat ye!"

!!!!

manalah i tak almost had to heimlich manouver myself!

no wonder lah selalu susah nak dapat consent for bone marrow and lumbar puncture!

the public has already been misinformed enough about how doing a lumbar puncture and taking cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) or air tulang belakang can paralyse people, now he is saying ambil bone marrow or sumsum tulang will also cause the same. both are totally different things, located at different anatomic sites, and the procedures done to obtain them are also different.

sigh..i'm not here to talk about how we do lumbar punctures or bone marrow aspirates, we do it multiple times on a daily basis at the hospital, especially in the oncology wards, and since malaysia still require us to take consent for these procedures, "berbuih mulut" to have to inform patients and parents about them already.

the ustaz no doubt is probably well educated in his own field, but i dont think he should make such bold statements about medical procedures before getting the facts right.

whenever patients at the hospital express their wish to try other means, be it "islamic", bomoh, chinese, homeopathy, etc.. we never say "no", as long as they can still continue their treatments or follow-up with us, and the alternative medicine doesnt interfere with ours. and i know for a fact that whenever most of us do something, or about to carry out a procedure, we always pray that everything goes well... no matter what religion/belief we have, or who it is we were praying to, we know that we are merely humans, bound to make mistakes, and the last thing we wanna do is harm a patient, and so we pray to higher powers to help us.

o well, i'm probably digressing now a bit at least, i'm sure.. but i've mentioned this over and over again, reminding myself, my colleagues, the staff, and especially the really junior doctors out there (although i still consider myself junior as well) that we should always treat a patient just as how we would treat someone dear to us, or just as how we ourselves would like to be treated, should we become patients ourselves.

to quote a few points from the oath:

"I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help."

bunga2 cameron

ini ada satu cerita..

once upon a time, there's this girl, err..let's call her rana.
rana works as a..umm...professional..err.. something-lah, doesnt really matter what, let's just say, she's a working professional. when she's not working, she hangs out with her friends, she drives around in her little fiat, she travels whenever she can, and she is for most of the time, fairly happy.
of course, people dont think that rana's happy because, well, rana is single, so how can she be?! she is unmarried, and for the most part of the past year, she has been unattached. she is not seeing anyone special, not even a shrink, so, yeah, she must be sad and depressed as hell.
norom, is one of the many people who thinks this of rana. so norom sets out to find rana a man. she told rana all about her friend, lucky. apparently lucky is a nice man, tall, dark and handsome. he owns a business, which was doing quite well. she told rana that she thinks rana and lucky will definitely make a lovely couple. so rana agreed to meet and get to know this lucky guy. true enough, he seemed nice (rana didnt wanna comment about the "tall, dark, handsome" part when i asked her about that), they mostly talked on the phone, but met only once, due to lucky's busy work schedule.
then one day, about 2 months after she introduced the two, norom pulled rana aside and giddily asked rana about her and lucky. so rana told her that things are going well, and yes, he seems like a nice guy.
norom then asked: so do you like him?
rana: (laughing) well, if i dont, then i wouldnt layan him on the phone until now lah!
norom: dia dah ajak kawin tak?
rana: weh.. no-lah! we're just starting to get to know each other!
norom: ehhh.. kan dah 2 bulan dah, takkan tak cukup kenal kot? kata selalu borak telefon?
rana: no-lah.. we're still friends only la..
norom: hmm..oklah. but you do like him dont you?
rana: (malu2) oklah..*smiles*
norom: oh.. good! i'm so glad. coz i was worried you know, that you would reject him,what with him still being married and all...
rana: *turned to stone for what felt like, an hour maybe, and just stared in disbelief at norom*
in her mind, the question she wanted to scream out to norom at the time was: holysh*tcr*p!!WTF??$$*^%#youthinking>>>;?::#*&F**sh**crazy??!!!.

but somehow, she recovered from her near-seizure, and tried as calmly as she could to ask instead: yeah. about that. why did you introduce us again? coz, you know, knowing he's married and all that.
and norom, being the moron that she is, said: well, he's not happy lah in his marriage. his wife doesnt treat him well, she really doesnt deserve him. he needs somebody that can make him happy. somebody like you, rana!
rana: ...............

-the end-

ps: should we laugh? or cry?

to quit or not to quit.

oh crap.
i'm having those feelings again.
nak quit nak quit nak quit.
warrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. benci.

american idol

wah.. shocking rhinoceros!
saw american idol just now.. how can they vote off quirky-lily and cute-voice-like-james-morrison alex? both of them have really good vocals! i really thought the teen girl that sang "breakaway" and that andrew guy-who-sings-girl-songs were the ones leaving. sooo disappointed..tsk tsk.
aparra amerika..rugi, rugi.

so now my favs yg tinggal are lee, casey (huge crush on this guy!!), big mike, didi and crystal. hmm...