Real life conversations that I've too frequently encountered, different versions and actual details, but never failing in leaving me appalled & dismayed at the similar responses/comments.
Makcik: Kawan kau tu dah kawen ke belum?
Me: Belum, single lagi.
Makcik: Laa..apasal belum kawen. Lawa je budak nya acik tengok.
HO: This baby's mother is young, only 18yo. And this is her 2nd child.
Pakar: Is she married? How old is her other child?! How is she coping? Did anybody talk to her?
Matron: Yes. She came in the other day. She's really pretty, doctor. No wonder she was married really young.
MO: This baby is the 1st child for the mom's current union. She already has 6 other children from 4 different partners.
Pakar: Says here she's unemployed. Are all her children with her? How is she caring for all 7 children? Has anybody spoken her?
Sister: Yes doctor. She's a real player, this one. She's not even that pretty!
Colleague: Where were you? We called you few times to see if you could join us for lunch.
Me: I was seeing a case in Gynae ward, a 14 yo girl presented to ED with abdominal pains, just found out she's actually pregnant. Worst, she was raped by her own brother!
Colleague: Gosh, poor girl!! Is she pretty?
You see where I'm going with this?
If a woman got married young/early, most likely it is because of her looks.
If a woman has multiple partners, or is a "player", it must be because of her looks too, because we totally can't understand it if it's otherwise!
And the poor girl/woman who was raped, it was probably because the man who did it couldn't resist her looks!
Disgusting when I put it that way, right?
If asked again, why do you ask that (on whether she is pretty)?
The answer is often "Oh am just curious."
But that's not really what we're implying.
That's what our society is teaching our children.
That looks matter.
When I say society, for this matter, I'm sorry to say, it's mostly us, women.
The witches and bitches.
Suka sungguh gosip.
It's really not healthy ladies.
Can we change?
Will we change?
