Monday, January 14, 2008

no globes no glory.. 2008 is scary

2008 is scaring me..

recently .. sth bad happened to me at work.. reallly bad.. and i didnt realize i was even involved until a couple of fingers started pointing at me.. "it was her!!"... and .. o well..
i wont relive the whole thing.. but i was so shocked, and depressed, and frustrated with myself..
and i felt like evryone knows, and are pointing fingers at me, and talking about me behind my back.. and maybe it's mostly paranoia, but even this person who was close to me before, now seemed like she's ignoring me cuz i guess she blames me.. maybe...i dunno.

then i keep having this heavy feeling in my chest, and this quesy feeling in my stomach.. dunno why. at first i thought i wasnt feeling well, like having palpitations, or even angina/heart attack.. but my heart rate's normal. more like a feeling like sth bad's gonna happen.. i;m obviously not psychic..but hiyaa.. dunnolah.. i really dont like whatever it is that i'm feeling.

i'm also totally freaking out about the coming exams in may..i try to study.. and realize that i'm so stupid i cant remember a lotta stuff, and so i give up, and stop studying.. and that freaks me out i try to study again..then i cant concentrate..give up again..freak out more..vicious cycle..

i think it all sorta started on the 1st day of the new year.. me and my 2 housemates had breakfast together at this kopitiam place.. .. and i got a parking ticket! it's a public holiday damnit! i couldnt believe it.. a parking ticket..on my bday! (althoo.. i realize now that's not really exceptional.. i got a speeding ticket on my bday 2 years ago too..hmmm..mebbe not related..)

and now i found out that the golden globes has been cancelled. the winners will just be announced in a press conference. no red carpets, no speeches, etc.
i actually completely forgot about the golden globes..with work and all the things above been nagging me..
at first i was disappointed, but then i realize i'm oncall tomorrow anyway, so .. phew! (i usually make it a point to either not be oncall on globes/oscars days and have even taken the day off just to catch the shows live in the previous a complete sucker for these 2 awards shows)
o di da.. life goes on..

but that's why i think 2008 is starting to scare me...

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

'tis the day i become 33..

goodbye 2007..
hello 2008..

let's see.. looking back at 2007, the one thing that sorta made it "standout" compared to other years, is that.. it was sorta "digital year" for me. my old laptop was stolen towards the end of 2006, so i got a new one earlier last year. then, with the new laptop came new gadgets that i added one by one thruout the year-cooling fan,speaker,external hdd,pendrive,etc.
i got a portable mp3 player-ipod nano ripoff-and it ripped me off! now it's totally useless.
then, my motorola mobile rosak..after the many falls that it took, the fact that it lasted more than 2 years already made me very fond of it, but alas, it totally gave up on me 2 weeks ago, so i had to go and get myself a new one. and i really didnt need to spend more than 1K to get me a reasonably good mobile nowadays, i know that, but the new sony ericsson just sorta took my breath away, and so that was how a good 1299 myr was taken away from me ;)
then, mother or all digital disasters-my precious digital camera pulak rosak... right after coming back from bali..!! sth wrong with the lens.. it's now at the shop waiting to be fixed..or rather, waiting to see whether it's worth fixing. i'm still waiting for the quotation to see which is gonna be more cost-effective: fixing it, or buying a new one.

travel-wise, i only made 3 trips this year: genting, JB and outer areas, and bali (thank goodness!). i want more!!

family-wise: blessed with amirah's brother aliff.
my parents are becoming typical grandparents, my youngest brother is quite cute as the uncle, and i'm the self proclaimed favourite aunt of amirah (aliff only comes to me when no one else is available to pick him up-hmph!)

mom's side of family: unexpected loss of an uncle.
dad's side: he comes fom a big family, and evry year something big always happen, but last year was just FULL of hot stuff, from one thing to another-some juicy, some good, and some are just plain bad bad bad. it's real life soap (i'd tell ya,but i shouldnt).

eenie, mynie & mo-with their mom at day 3 of life.
o yeah.. i had the chance to start my own lil family too. a 1st time queen actually gave birth to 3 lil cute kittens right inside my washing machine.. and later abandoned them! so i had to adopt them, and fed them, and they were just newborns, their eyes were not even opened yet. so i tried my best to bottle feed them (i never knew there's such things as kitty milk till then), and kept them warm....and it wasnt easy.. so one by one they succumbed. and i think i got attached to them too early too was really sad and depressing to see them die. so even if i get myself any cat(s) in the future, i dont think i can take in little newborns.

work-wise: i started my masters. the exam's in 41/2 months. yikes!
work was also full of hot gossip last year i think. and we had people leaving the dept, and coming back, and passing exams >i still failed, but then that happened in previous years as well :( .. and more people left. there were things that happened that reminded me that doctors are so very human, not that i dont already know or think so, but some people do have unrealistic expectations of us sometimes, while some doctors themselves forget their place, and think themselves higher than others.
anyway i cant elaborate any further, but somehow it's kinda shocking..and scary, to find out the truth about a person sometimes, and the things they would and could do, even though they shouldnt ... all in the name of position or power.
o well.

in between, there's always my friends: few more got married this year, one or two got divorced, some expanded their families, while some are still soul(mate) searching.

my housemate mawa, was radiant during her engagement day.

as for my own love-life, which never fails to be an "issue" these past few years with my relatives and friends..(it is interesting getting all the bday wishes today.. usually it's "happy bday, happy new year", or some people would tease me with "you're older than me nyah nyah nyah"... but this year, more than half of the messages have things like "may 2008 bring you love"..or some even as blunt as "may you get married this year" (!!!)
anyway, 2007 has been "barren". no crushes, no flirtations, no dates, nuthin. either it's because i didnt meet anyone interesting enuff, or i'm just losing interest altogether... most probably both.
i do have this to say tho: men can be so confusing, and i dont need confusion in my life right now (one guy who forgets my bday all the time we were seeing each other, now that we're not anymore, wishes me right after the countdown, 2 years in a row now)
oh, and of course, there's that "valentine horror" too(see few blogs back).. the sender still remains a mystery, which, if it was indeed a man-reiterate my point above.

ok, so resolution for 2008. oh.. same ol' same ol'..
be better person, lose weight, more active, save money, travel more, pass exams, blablabla

happy new year.
happy birthday to me.. 33, and (who's)counting..