scene 1:
me joining the department one month ago, and reporting to the boss on the 1st day.
boss: do you have a family?
me: umm.. yes.
boss: how many kids?
me: oh no.. not married. no kids. i mean i do have a family..like my parents and sibs and such.
boss: ha.. good, then you have a lot of time in your hands, can study. nothing to distract you.
me: err..ok.
boss: you must be smart, you're in the masters now, cannot just study from the books. must read journals, go on the internet, attend conferences. haa, and you're single, night time you dont have anything to do, go attend drug talks, sometime they have these talks that they can sponsor you for. you just go-lah, get educated, also get free dinner.
me: err..(nod my head)
scene 2:
a new junior boss joins the department. senior boss overheard talking to her PA about him.
senior boss: is he married?
PA: yes, he's got 2 kids i think.
senior boss: aiyah. susah la.
now, the senior boss has no intention to ngorat the junior boss, trust me, although it's easy to misunderstand the conversation. she just prefers people with no kids so they can commit 110% to their work. for some reason, they think that if you're married, and especially if you have kids, you get "distracted" more.
i was talking to a couple of colleagues about this. seems like the generation gap is quite huge in the department. the senior bosses are the type who goes to the hospital any time of day, even on the weekends, even though they dont have to. the junior bosses are around to look after the rest of us and the patients of course. apparently few of the seniors, even when they are away on vacation, will have people text or call them to inform about the patients!
the commitment is admirable of course, but i think it is more about trust than anything. they just couldnt trust the junior people.
they also dont get it that these people take leave to see their kids off on their 1st day of school.
they dont get it that they must oversee the kids doing their homework at night (let the teachers worry about that).
they dont get it that we need at least a couple of weekends off a month to be with the family and friends.
they say things like "my daughter is 13 years old now. i never actually get to see her grow up as a kid .. i cant believe she's a teenager now".
these people breathe, think, talk, eat, drink, live and die of hospital and medicine. it's their life.
it's admirable.
but not really desirable.
not for me anyway.
i'm single yes, but i still have a family, friends, and a life i want to enjoy and spend time on, other than just my career.
hmph.
i dont think they will get that.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
mother's instinct
these are some of the (scary) true stories i've heard from people about their maids. this in lieu of the recent news on maids being abused and so on. real names been changed for obvious reasons and just cause ;)
1) rozy was having a bad feeling about her maid. she couldnt specifically say what it is, but she told her husband that she's worried about how her maid fares at home when they're both at work. her husband reassured her that she shouldnt worry, from what he could see, she seemed to be okay with the kids. rozy wasnt convinced and couldnt get rid of her uneasy feelings. her girls were too young to tell her anything in details if she asked them. one was about 2 yrs and the other 8 months old. her husband then suggested that they get a webcam on their computer to "keep an eye" on the maid. so they did. and got the shock of their life.
scene: maid brought the younger girl (8-months) in front of the tv (which is where the computer and webcam were also placed) to change her diapers. she was watching the tv at the same time. baby girl, as usual, was struggling to get away from her, preferring to crawl away bottom-less and free. maid roughly struggled back with her to make her stay flat on her back. baby girl cried. maid then grabbed the baby's shoulders and shook her repeatedly, shouting at her to stop crying.
rozy, knowing all there is to know about shaken baby, brought the baby for a medical checkup after that (after sendinng off the maid of course). true enough, there were signs of shaken baby in her girl's brain already. apparently that wasnt the first and only time the maid had done that.
2) suzy was suspicious of her maid when she asked her for some money. it wasnt much, about rm50, and when she asked her what it was for, the maid said she had borrowed money from the maid working for suzy's parents, and needed to pay her back. so suzy gave the money to her maid, and later at her parents', asked their maid if her maid had paid the money back. their maid denied getting any and claimed she never loaned her any money in the 1st place. suzy then asked her maid again why she needed the money, and her maid confessed that she actually borrowed money from another friend, but she refused to tell who the friend was. suzy wondered who it was and when was it that her maid got to socialize. she suspected that it was when her older kids are at school, and only the youngest one at home. she told her husband this, and that perhaps they should install a cctv at the house to see what goes on during the day when they're at work. husband refuses since they cost a lot of money, and that she's probably worried too much about nothing. he suggested however on installing security alarms, due to the increasing number of break-ins they heard around the area, and they did.
one night they got the shock of their life when suddenly the newly installed alarms went off. they both ran down and saw that the front door was opened. the maid was in her room, shivering with fear, because apparently she was the one who had opened the door, not realizing about the new alarms. she was actually all ready and made-up for a night in town with her new boyfriend, and apparently that wasnt the 1st time she had sneaked out of the house at night after the family has gone to bed.
3) rudy and his wife have a business together. they have 4 kids, 3 in school, and the youngest, denny, is 2 yrs old. they have had different maids over a period of about 12 years now, no real problems, all the maids were sent back according to the scheduled contracts and whatnot. their latest maid has been staying with them for about a year now.
although they've never had any problems with their maids, rudy and his wife were always cautious, and they have had cctvs around the house for a number of years now. mostly for security, but it helped them keep an eye on the kids as well, where they can still see them from their office.
one fine friday, after the friday prayers, rudy got a call from his maid telling him that denny had bumped into a piece of furniture at home and now had a bruise on his nose. rudy went home and saw the bruise, a huge one across denny's nose, and also a small bleed in his conjunctiva (white eye). his wife was suspicious that the bruise was due to something else rather than bumping into the furniture, and so rudy reviewed the recording on the cctv for the day just to be sure.
scene: maid was feeding denny his lunch, and being the active boy that he is, denny refused to sit still while waiting to be fed. the maid got tired of shouting at him, and proceeded to slap him in the face (same site as the eye bleed) and didnt stop there when the boy started to cry. she then bashed him on the face and head with her fist, and when he fell, she then kicked him, and finally spit on him!!!
rudy was obviously so shocked when he saw this, told his wife, who was also too shocked and just too upset to see the tape. they brought denny to the hospital to be examined (he's okay, the lucky guy), then brought the tape and the maid to the police.
4) hady has 2 kids, a 2-year old boy, and 3 months old girl, and his wife has just gone back to work after the confinement period. they had a new maid to care for the kids, who they have trained in the past 3-4 months while the wife was still on maternity leave. one day, after about 2 weeks going back to work, the wife had to go outstation for a meeting and had such an uneasy feeling about the kids, she called hady and told him about it. she asked him to go home and check on them. usually, she was the one who would go home during lunch break because her workplace is real near their house. hady tried to reassure her that everything should be okay, and that she was probably anxious because this is the 1st time she's away from the kids, but she didnt believe him, at least until he promised her he would go home and check on them. so hady asked for a bit of time off from work that afternoon, and drove home. to his surprise when he got home, the front gate was locked as usual, but the front door was widely opened, and he could hear his son crying from inside the house, calling for mommy. he rushed in called the maid's name, and saw that his baby girl was in her cot dowstairs, sleeping, (and breathing, thank God), and then found his crying son upstairs in his bedroom. he called for the maid again but there was no answer. he asked his son where the maid was, but his son said he didnt know. apparently he woke up and when he couldnt find the "kakak" around the house, he opened the front door to see if she was outside but when he saw that she wasnt, he got scared and just went inside and cried instead. hady then informed his wife who immediately drove home, and they informed the police. they concluded that she left the house herself since she took all of her belongings with her. nothing was taken or stolen from the house neither.
i dont have a maid, and my family never had one (my dad "hired" his own sisters last time to help look after us when we were growing up), and i know for a fact that there are good reliable maids out there, but just to remind everyone to always be careful .. and to trust a mother's instinct.
1) rozy was having a bad feeling about her maid. she couldnt specifically say what it is, but she told her husband that she's worried about how her maid fares at home when they're both at work. her husband reassured her that she shouldnt worry, from what he could see, she seemed to be okay with the kids. rozy wasnt convinced and couldnt get rid of her uneasy feelings. her girls were too young to tell her anything in details if she asked them. one was about 2 yrs and the other 8 months old. her husband then suggested that they get a webcam on their computer to "keep an eye" on the maid. so they did. and got the shock of their life.
scene: maid brought the younger girl (8-months) in front of the tv (which is where the computer and webcam were also placed) to change her diapers. she was watching the tv at the same time. baby girl, as usual, was struggling to get away from her, preferring to crawl away bottom-less and free. maid roughly struggled back with her to make her stay flat on her back. baby girl cried. maid then grabbed the baby's shoulders and shook her repeatedly, shouting at her to stop crying.
rozy, knowing all there is to know about shaken baby, brought the baby for a medical checkup after that (after sendinng off the maid of course). true enough, there were signs of shaken baby in her girl's brain already. apparently that wasnt the first and only time the maid had done that.
2) suzy was suspicious of her maid when she asked her for some money. it wasnt much, about rm50, and when she asked her what it was for, the maid said she had borrowed money from the maid working for suzy's parents, and needed to pay her back. so suzy gave the money to her maid, and later at her parents', asked their maid if her maid had paid the money back. their maid denied getting any and claimed she never loaned her any money in the 1st place. suzy then asked her maid again why she needed the money, and her maid confessed that she actually borrowed money from another friend, but she refused to tell who the friend was. suzy wondered who it was and when was it that her maid got to socialize. she suspected that it was when her older kids are at school, and only the youngest one at home. she told her husband this, and that perhaps they should install a cctv at the house to see what goes on during the day when they're at work. husband refuses since they cost a lot of money, and that she's probably worried too much about nothing. he suggested however on installing security alarms, due to the increasing number of break-ins they heard around the area, and they did.
one night they got the shock of their life when suddenly the newly installed alarms went off. they both ran down and saw that the front door was opened. the maid was in her room, shivering with fear, because apparently she was the one who had opened the door, not realizing about the new alarms. she was actually all ready and made-up for a night in town with her new boyfriend, and apparently that wasnt the 1st time she had sneaked out of the house at night after the family has gone to bed.
3) rudy and his wife have a business together. they have 4 kids, 3 in school, and the youngest, denny, is 2 yrs old. they have had different maids over a period of about 12 years now, no real problems, all the maids were sent back according to the scheduled contracts and whatnot. their latest maid has been staying with them for about a year now.
although they've never had any problems with their maids, rudy and his wife were always cautious, and they have had cctvs around the house for a number of years now. mostly for security, but it helped them keep an eye on the kids as well, where they can still see them from their office.
one fine friday, after the friday prayers, rudy got a call from his maid telling him that denny had bumped into a piece of furniture at home and now had a bruise on his nose. rudy went home and saw the bruise, a huge one across denny's nose, and also a small bleed in his conjunctiva (white eye). his wife was suspicious that the bruise was due to something else rather than bumping into the furniture, and so rudy reviewed the recording on the cctv for the day just to be sure.
scene: maid was feeding denny his lunch, and being the active boy that he is, denny refused to sit still while waiting to be fed. the maid got tired of shouting at him, and proceeded to slap him in the face (same site as the eye bleed) and didnt stop there when the boy started to cry. she then bashed him on the face and head with her fist, and when he fell, she then kicked him, and finally spit on him!!!
rudy was obviously so shocked when he saw this, told his wife, who was also too shocked and just too upset to see the tape. they brought denny to the hospital to be examined (he's okay, the lucky guy), then brought the tape and the maid to the police.
4) hady has 2 kids, a 2-year old boy, and 3 months old girl, and his wife has just gone back to work after the confinement period. they had a new maid to care for the kids, who they have trained in the past 3-4 months while the wife was still on maternity leave. one day, after about 2 weeks going back to work, the wife had to go outstation for a meeting and had such an uneasy feeling about the kids, she called hady and told him about it. she asked him to go home and check on them. usually, she was the one who would go home during lunch break because her workplace is real near their house. hady tried to reassure her that everything should be okay, and that she was probably anxious because this is the 1st time she's away from the kids, but she didnt believe him, at least until he promised her he would go home and check on them. so hady asked for a bit of time off from work that afternoon, and drove home. to his surprise when he got home, the front gate was locked as usual, but the front door was widely opened, and he could hear his son crying from inside the house, calling for mommy. he rushed in called the maid's name, and saw that his baby girl was in her cot dowstairs, sleeping, (and breathing, thank God), and then found his crying son upstairs in his bedroom. he called for the maid again but there was no answer. he asked his son where the maid was, but his son said he didnt know. apparently he woke up and when he couldnt find the "kakak" around the house, he opened the front door to see if she was outside but when he saw that she wasnt, he got scared and just went inside and cried instead. hady then informed his wife who immediately drove home, and they informed the police. they concluded that she left the house herself since she took all of her belongings with her. nothing was taken or stolen from the house neither.
i dont have a maid, and my family never had one (my dad "hired" his own sisters last time to help look after us when we were growing up), and i know for a fact that there are good reliable maids out there, but just to remind everyone to always be careful .. and to trust a mother's instinct.
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