melancholic merapu

seeing things i shouldnt be seeing.

hearing things i shoudnt be hearing.

saying things i shouldnt be saying.

infuriating.

annoying.

frustrating.

disappointing.

depressing.

feeling like i shouldnt have these feelings.

hating for hating.

hating for loving.

loving to loving.

infuriating.

frustrating.

disappointing.

depressing.

dreaming, dreaming, and dreaming.

wanting.

why even bother wishing.

is it worth, the praying?

knowing that i shouldnt have these feelings.

drowning.

in desperation.

in own stupidity.

jodoh, jodoh, where art thou, jodoh?

someone said this to me a few weeks back:

you know, God make jodoh for each person in this world. there is no such thing as "tak ada jodoh". there is only lambat or cepat. so you know, dont give up on your jodoh, emie. he is out there for you. you just have to keep your eyes open, and you must always..believe.

sheesh. i felt like i was reading a "poyo" script in a malay tv drama.

i already know all that. why did this person feel like i need to be told of this again? am i giving the impression that i've given up? or that i dont think that i have a jodoh?

although i've to admit that i am lazy about keeping my eyes open.. coz whenever i have the chance, id like to catchup on my precious sleep.

but i digress.

yes, ok, so i know my jodoh is out there somewhere. he's just not here yet because:

1) he lives in another continent, and still has no idea where malaysia is

2) he's lost in his 4x4 in a remote jungle somewhere on his way to finding me

3) he's still too busy with his humanitarian work

4) he's still too busy governing his country

5) he's still too busy with his duties as sultan of his state (or country!)

6) he's a race car driver, who got into an MVA on his way to see me

7) he's dead (see you in the afterlife, baby!)

8) he got cold feet

9) he decided to turn gay instead

10) he hasnt turn 21 yet

11) he's not of legal-driving age yet

12) he's not baligh yet

13) he's just plain lazy (now THERE's a match made in heaven!)

huh. so i guess these can also double up as comebacks whenever people also ask "how come you're not married?" (see previous blog a few entries back)

call paeds, the placenta is coming!

scene in the operating theater while a friend of mine was standing by with a nurse for a delivery.

RN: by the way doctor, just to let you know, we have another case after this.

MD: ok, what's the case?

RN: MRP

MD: ... ?? err... Manual Removal of Placenta??

RN: yes doctor.

MD: ...??? and you want me to standby?

RN: yes doctor.

MD: ..(turning blue from trying not to laugh)... err kak, saya doktor sambut baby, tak sambut placenta!!

RN: oh, ye ke doktor?

Games backs safe sex despite plumbing problems

NEW DELHI (AFP) - – Commonwealth Games chief Mike Fennell said he was happy to see competitors engaging in safe sex at the athletes village even if it caused problems with the plumbing.

Reports claimed that thousands of used condoms had been clogging up the toilets at the village, which is home to 7,000 competitors.

"This shows that athletes are being responsible and are promoting safe sex," said Commonwealth Games Federation president Fennell on Thursday.

The Daily Telegraph reported a condom vending machine had been installed at the village, containing around 4,000 contraceptive packs.

help! my baby is laughing..

heard this from a friend of mine, who saw a patient, a 1+ yr old malay baby, brought to the hospital for a burn injury to the face.

history taken: parents were worried that their child may have been "possessed" by some spirits. reason?

the kid likes to laugh and babbles by himself, even when there was no one around (lemme remind you again, the kid is just past 1 year old, not even speaking very much yet at all, so if you ask me... he's perfectly normal!!).

so what do the parents do?

they brought the kid to a bomoh (of course!). and the bomoh did the usual..mutters a few words of mantera.. burn some kemenyan.. carry the burning kemenyan in its little claypot container thingy over the kid's head and "smokes" him (or the spirits out-God knows), and .. whoops! the container tilted..and whoops! all the burning kemenyan fell onto the poor kid's face!!

kid cries, of course (he obviously wont be laughing for quite awhile..at least not until he's in good spirits again). according to my friend, good thing the eyes were not affected, or he could've been blind!

sheesh..

scary-part deux

thank the Lord. alin's sister is back with the family! i'm so happy and relieved for alin and her family.

now that i know she's safe, i thought i'll just share here what alin told me she had to go through in search of her sister.

after they've made the police report, her family tried to contact her sister on her cell, as she later did send an sms to her mom, telling her she's with a friend or sth like that. when they tried again, her cell was off. so they asked if maxis could help locate where she was based on the sms. maxis wouldnt release the info without a letter or order from the police. so they went back to the police to ask for the letter. guess what the police told alin?

"oh saya cuti hari ni, so esok sajalah ambik surat tu!"

wtf?

alin of course, i can imagine, got angry la.. the more you delay the process, the further away her sister would be, and more difficult for them to trace!

so she went back and wrote a formal email of complaint to the PDRM website.

her dad in the meantime, got a direct number to the super-chief of police, and complained directly.

and barulah the sergeant got on his ass to issue the order and trace the number from maxis. and they found out that her sister could be in penang already! if they had waited the next day..tah2 dah across the border!

i mean, cuti tu cutilah, but takkan tak ada orang ganti?

and it's not a sempoi case like my friend got her cat stuck in a tree, it's her young sister freakin' missin'!

sheessh..

scary!

http://www.bharian.com.my/bharian/articles/Remajahilangkandirimahucarikebebasan_ketenangan/Article

my fren alin's sister went missing 3 days ago. as i'm posting this i'm not sure if she's back yet, coz last i talked to alin just this evening, apparently her sister had contacted the family and was supposed to be sent home by her so-called friend tonight. i drove past her house just now, but there were already lots of cars parked in front, including the police, i assume she is back, alin havent replied my text yet. God, i hope she's back, safe and sound.

cakap biar terang, doc!

a friend at work shared with me this one:

- her brother, who i take it from her description, is a bit on the overweight side, asked her opinion regarding a symptom he is having. she advised him to do a few blood investigations, which include few that requires him to fast first...lipid, sugars, etc. so she told him "ingat, puasa tau pegi amik darah2 tu".

so the brother literally "puasa" la.. .. he even woke up at 4 am to drink a full mug of milo as "sahur", and went to take the bloods at 7 am.

obviously, she only has herself to blame, for not clarifying to the brother earlier on how it actually works ;)

this one happened quite awhile ago already, at the previous place where i worked. i probably blogged about it already too, cant remember, but i still think it's funny..hehe.

- a chinese colleague was asking in malay, a young girl's parent whether her kid ever had an ultrasound done to look at her kidneys, "puan, anak puan punye buah pinggang ada pernah tengok tv ka?"

haha!

"to cure sometimes, relieve often, comfort always"

yesterday i saw this early morning show on tv called "tanyalah ustaz".

the topic was "jin & alam ghaib".

interesting, and something i have not much knowledge about, so i sat down to watch while taking my breakfast before leaving for my oncall.

at one point the ustaz was telling the viewers to always consider alternative medicine, in this case, perubatan islam- whenever we fall sick , and especially when doctors/modern medicine are unable to find the cause or definite diagnosis for the medical problem.

but then he also went ahead and made a statement which totally shocked me, that i almost choked on my karipap sardin!

he actually went on to advise viewers "bila2 doktor tak dapat cari punca atau diagnosis untuk sesuatu penyakit itu, mereka mesti nak mintak satu- ambil sum-sum tulang. tuan2 dan puan2.. kalau boleh, cubalah elakkan dpd perkara ini.. ambil sum-sum tulang ini adalah amat bahaya.. boleh menyebabkan lumpuh. jika doktor mintak ambil, cubalah dulu cara lain. ingat ye!"

!!!!

manalah i tak almost had to heimlich manouver myself!

no wonder lah selalu susah nak dapat consent for bone marrow and lumbar puncture!

the public has already been misinformed enough about how doing a lumbar puncture and taking cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) or air tulang belakang can paralyse people, now he is saying ambil bone marrow or sumsum tulang will also cause the same. both are totally different things, located at different anatomic sites, and the procedures done to obtain them are also different.

sigh..i'm not here to talk about how we do lumbar punctures or bone marrow aspirates, we do it multiple times on a daily basis at the hospital, especially in the oncology wards, and since malaysia still require us to take consent for these procedures, "berbuih mulut" to have to inform patients and parents about them already.

the ustaz no doubt is probably well educated in his own field, but i dont think he should make such bold statements about medical procedures before getting the facts right.

whenever patients at the hospital express their wish to try other means, be it "islamic", bomoh, chinese, homeopathy, etc.. we never say "no", as long as they can still continue their treatments or follow-up with us, and the alternative medicine doesnt interfere with ours. and i know for a fact that whenever most of us do something, or about to carry out a procedure, we always pray that everything goes well... no matter what religion/belief we have, or who it is we were praying to, we know that we are merely humans, bound to make mistakes, and the last thing we wanna do is harm a patient, and so we pray to higher powers to help us.

o well, i'm probably digressing now a bit at least, i'm sure.. but i've mentioned this over and over again, reminding myself, my colleagues, the staff, and especially the really junior doctors out there (although i still consider myself junior as well) that we should always treat a patient just as how we would treat someone dear to us, or just as how we ourselves would like to be treated, should we become patients ourselves.

to quote a few points from the oath:

"I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures [that] are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.

I will remember that there is art to medicine as well as science, and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the surgeon's knife or the chemist's drug.

I will not be ashamed to say "I know not," nor will I fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed for a patient's recovery.

I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.

I will remember that I do not treat a fever chart, a cancerous growth, but a sick human being, whose illness may affect the person's family and economic stability. My responsibility includes these related problems, if I am to care adequately for the sick.

I will prevent disease whenever I can, for prevention is preferable to cure.

I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.

If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, respected while I live and remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joy of healing those who seek my help."

bunga2 cameron

ini ada satu cerita..

once upon a time, there's this girl, err..let's call her rana.
rana works as a..umm...professional..err.. something-lah, doesnt really matter what, let's just say, she's a working professional. when she's not working, she hangs out with her friends, she drives around in her little fiat, she travels whenever she can, and she is for most of the time, fairly happy.
of course, people dont think that rana's happy because, well, rana is single, so how can she be?! she is unmarried, and for the most part of the past year, she has been unattached. she is not seeing anyone special, not even a shrink, so, yeah, she must be sad and depressed as hell.
norom, is one of the many people who thinks this of rana. so norom sets out to find rana a man. she told rana all about her friend, lucky. apparently lucky is a nice man, tall, dark and handsome. he owns a business, which was doing quite well. she told rana that she thinks rana and lucky will definitely make a lovely couple. so rana agreed to meet and get to know this lucky guy. true enough, he seemed nice (rana didnt wanna comment about the "tall, dark, handsome" part when i asked her about that), they mostly talked on the phone, but met only once, due to lucky's busy work schedule.
then one day, about 2 months after she introduced the two, norom pulled rana aside and giddily asked rana about her and lucky. so rana told her that things are going well, and yes, he seems like a nice guy.
norom then asked: so do you like him?
rana: (laughing) well, if i dont, then i wouldnt layan him on the phone until now lah!
norom: dia dah ajak kawin tak?
rana: weh.. no-lah! we're just starting to get to know each other!
norom: ehhh.. kan dah 2 bulan dah, takkan tak cukup kenal kot? kata selalu borak telefon?
rana: no-lah.. we're still friends only la..
norom: hmm..oklah. but you do like him dont you?
rana: (malu2) oklah..*smiles*
norom: oh.. good! i'm so glad. coz i was worried you know, that you would reject him,what with him still being married and all...
rana: *turned to stone for what felt like, an hour maybe, and just stared in disbelief at norom*
in her mind, the question she wanted to scream out to norom at the time was: holysh*tcr*p!!WTF??$$*^%#youthinking>>>;?::#*&F**sh**crazy??!!!.

but somehow, she recovered from her near-seizure, and tried as calmly as she could to ask instead: yeah. about that. why did you introduce us again? coz, you know, knowing he's married and all that.
and norom, being the moron that she is, said: well, he's not happy lah in his marriage. his wife doesnt treat him well, she really doesnt deserve him. he needs somebody that can make him happy. somebody like you, rana!
rana: ...............

-the end-

ps: should we laugh? or cry?

to quit or not to quit.

oh crap.
i'm having those feelings again.
nak quit nak quit nak quit.
warrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. benci.

american idol

wah.. shocking rhinoceros!
saw american idol just now.. how can they vote off quirky-lily and cute-voice-like-james-morrison alex? both of them have really good vocals! i really thought the teen girl that sang "breakaway" and that andrew guy-who-sings-girl-songs were the ones leaving. sooo disappointed..tsk tsk.
aparra amerika..rugi, rugi.

so now my favs yg tinggal are lee, casey (huge crush on this guy!!), big mike, didi and crystal. hmm...

dedicated to other fellow single ladies out there!

these are some of the answers you can give people who ask you the inevitable question.. "bila nak kawin ni?", or better yet.."apsal tak kawin2 lagi ni?".
they are in no particular order, and are not copyrighted. feel free to use them as needed.

1) "oo.. dah set date hari tu tapi busy sangat, susah dapat cuti, so i actually missed my own wedding!!"
2) "banyak sangat calon ajak kawin, so dah suruh isi borang.. tapi still tak habis2 tapis lagi ni"
3) "banyak sangat calon, dah isi borang, dah tapis the top 10, tapi tunggu boss approve pulak"
4) "actually, dah kawin hari tu, tapi senyap2 aje.. shhh.. dont tell anyone ok?rahsia!!"
5) "umm.. dah set date, but i cant tell you.. you're not invited!"
6) "jomlah.. now also can!!*wink*" -->if it's a man asking.
7) "jomlah.. now also can!why not??*winkwink*" --> if it's a woman asking.
8) "13.13.2013"
9) "malas!"
10) dont say anything, but quiver your lips, force those bloody tears out of your eyes, nasal secretions too if you can (a bonus!), and bawl like a baby right there in front of them!
11) if #10 is too hard for you, then dont say anything, but make a fist with your dominant hand, and punch the person in the face (aim for the nose.. so the bloody tears come out of their eyes instead!)

i've been using them myself, but my favourites are #5, 6, and 9.

anak-anak michael

caught this year's grammys on tv yesterday morning. there was a tribute to michael jackson, and 2 of his kids, paris and prince, went up to receive the grammy on his behalf. they gave a bit of a speech about their dad.
look at them. so freakin' beautiful!
cant help but wonder what the real deal is with these kids. what's their real story. they went up the stage accompanied by their cousins, kids of the other jacksons. and altho the cousins themselves look every bit like the jacksons, you gotta admit that michael's kids.. well, dont. prince instead look like he can be zac efron's lil brother!
my brother said they look every bit what you'd think michael jackson would want his kids to look like.
anyway, no matter what the real deal is, i hope they continue to grow up to be beautiful, healthy and positive adults.
maybe one of them will write a memoir one day.

oohh.. and there goes the head.

scenario:a teenage boy was playing with his 2 yr-old cousin, and by playing, he meant throwing her high up in the air ("oh look, ur flying!). catch. up in the air again. catch. the girl squeals. up in the air again..higher now..
and... tang!..slosh!.. there goes her head!
ok.. i'm exaggerating.. her head didnt fly off.. but she did sustain a deep laceration wound to her head, after being hit by the blades of a whirring ceiling fan that was just inches from her head!
so with blood covering half her face and she screaming in pain, she was rushed to the hospital by the whole family.
examination showed that she also had a depressed skull fracture, and was bleeding into the layers covering her brain.

obviously this isnt the 1st case of a child sustaining head injury from the blades of a ceiling fan. we see quite a number of this preventable injury at the emergency dept. and they get them through different ways too.. from jumping up and down on the bed, from jumping down from an upper bunk of a bunk bed, from being thrown in the air by an adult... and then .. tang!..slosh.. there goes the head.

interestingly the other day when i was seeing the 2 yr-old girl, there were different comments made from the staff as they hover around:
staff 1: uih.. that's why-lah, cannot throw the kids in the house, gotta do it outside the house, out in the open area. no ceiling fans there!
staff 2: what was the speed of the fan.. laju sangat kot?!
staff 3: must be the ceiling of their house is too low.. that's why can hit the fan!
staff 4: no-lah..not safe to use ceiling fans.. we should all just use air-cond only!


so i had to tell them: umm..no.. the one important lesson to be learnt here is.. NOT to throw a kid up in the air..like anywhere, eVer (Yup, i even strained on my V there!)
we live in hot malaysia..and not everyone can afford air-conditioning, and so it's totally okay to have a ceiling fan running at top speed i think, as long as you dont throw a kid up to its rotating blades!
even if you were doing it outside, or you dont have a ceiling fan, and your ceiling's real high.. what if you throw a kid up in the air, and u slip and/or couldnt catch the kid back?
maybe..there goes the head, and/or neck, and/or arms, and/or legs .. you get the picture.

terkedu a moment

it was just 10 mins ago. i was browsing the net, not looking for anything in particular, was getting a bit bored actually..when i decided to google up my exes.
yup.. for some strange reason, i started typing up the names of guys i previously had r'ships with, one by one, on google. the 1st 2 names yield nothing interesting.. one i now know, has joined facebook and has gotten, err, 1 friend so far. another, whom i already knew from way before has already married, is now apparently still working at the same place he worked before.
then i typed the 3rd name. unlike the other 2, this guy i still keep in touch with from time to time- bday wishes, newyears, how're things...that sorta thing.. imagine my surprise when i found out from google that he's now married! there are photos and everything!
no, i'm not upset by the fact that he's married. i'm really upset that he didnt tell me! i mean, like i said, we were still in touch, even though mostly via sms. and we broke up years ago. why didnt he tell me?
hmph.
anyway, so i terkedu sekejap tadi. and terus tak jadi nak google nama2 yg seterusnye ;)

ah..you're still single? must be coz the men cant afford the maskawin!

Saturday December 12, 2009

MB: Higher mas kahwin will cause more ‘old maids’

KOTA BARU: Mentri Besar Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat is against raising the mas kahwin for Muslim women for fear that many of them may end up as old maids.

“We do not propose to raise the mas kahwin in Kelantan and will retain the existing regulation,” he told reporters when asked to comment on the Selangor govenment’s decision to raise the mas kahwin in the state from RM80 to RM300 effective Jan 1 next year.

Nik Abdul Aziz said he did not care much for mas kahwin, including for his children when they got married.

“I set not more than RM1,000 (including gifts) for the mas kahwin for each of my children,” he said after delivering the Friday sermon here yesterday, adding that demanding very high mas kahwin and gifts was just to show off. — Bernama

to be or not to be..........

i just realized that i only get about4-5 days off in a month now.
i leave for work at 7am, and most of the time reach back home at 7pm.
in between that i've to be oncall.

i've been told that i've lost a bit of weight.
i'm losing much more hair.
my skin's getting worse.

2 months ago i was really depressed and was real close to quitting masters. to my horror and surprise, i no longer had the passion to do paeds anymore...and that made me real sad.
but after much praying and soul searching (if i could call it that)and actually looking at other jobs/options in medicine, i decided to stay..for now. i've to admit that i still like paeds, but i'm not sure if i have the passion for it anymore.
i still have that feeling (of quitting) from time to time, but it's not as strong as it used to be. i can honestly say right now that if i was actually sitting for the exams right now and failed.. i would totally be okay with it..
so *sigh* we'll see.
i'm taking it a day at a time.