bali break part 2

i went to bali with 2 of my girlfriends in 2007. (actually i didnt even remember the year exactly until i rechecked my previous blog post about the trip).
i remember during one of the taxi rides we took during the trip, the driver, upon finding out that the 3 of us were single (and although we were already working, a lot of them thought we were students)said that we must come again to bali, and that the next trip be a honeymoon trip with our husbands.
it was a great trip, the 3 of us enjoyed it very much, and i vowed to definitely visit bali again.

8 years later (wow) .. i did.
and i did go with a husband! well, my husband. it's our 3rd year of marriage this year, and i consider any trip i take with him where it's just the 2 of us as our honeymoon (awww..!haha).

so we went there a couple of months ago. it was my second time there and it was hubby's first. interestingly though, aside bali, the only other place i've been to in indonesia is batam, while hubby has been to jakarta, bandung, the riau islands, and even lombok. but he said for some reason he was never intrigued about going to bali. i managed to persuade him finally and off we went.
we took malaysia airlines from jb to kl and then to denpasar.
the flight from kl to bali was quite bumpy as there was a lot of turbulence. i'm usually okay with turbulences other that the motion sickness, but in lieu of the terribly unfortunate plane tragedies that shook all of us last year, we were quite worried.. i think many people were too.

anyway, we arrived safely, ahamdulillah, and were in bali for 5 days and 4 nights. we stayed at the grand inna kuta hotel, right by the kuta beach.
we spent 2 days taking day tour trips to kintamani, celuk (got another silver ring to add to my collection), taman ayun, ubud, bedugul, and tanahlot. we tried out the organic bali coffees at 2 places, wedang sari and tegal sari. we tasted the famous luwak coffee, it tasted okay but not all that great. the one who was really excited was actually my husband and not because of the coffee. luwak or civet coffee is special in that it is made from coffee beans that have been eaten by a "musang" or civet, i think it's a type of wild-cat but i may be wrong. the beans go through the animal's digestive tract but they dont get digested, and so when the civet poops, the beans come out together in its droppings. these beans are then cleaned and roasted and grinded, and you get the luwak coffee.
anyway, so hubby wasnt all that excited about the coffee, but he actually fell in love with the luwak or musang itself.why?
because, for some reason, his nickname back in school was apparently musang! some of his school buddies still call him by that name to this day! but this is the first time he actually came real close face-to-face with the animal, and even got to pet the fella, and he was immediately smitten.
and now he's on a quest to finding one to keep as a pet.
oh dear.

back to the trip. this time around i got to see the barong dance. (i saw kecak dance on the last trip)
makan-wise we didnt have much problem. the fast food places are all halal in indonesia. there are a lot more halal warung and restaurants in kuta now i think, compared to the last time i was there. i actually remembered warung nikmat, the halal restaurant i went to on the last trip and went there again. they have actually expanded now and there is now a budget hotel just behind it. the food is still good.

other than that we were mostly out and about town, doing a lot of walking (20k steps per day accordig to the app on my smartphone!) that by the time we get back to the hotel we were too pooped (again with the word-haha) to do anything else. we planned to but didnt even get to swim in the 2 swimming pools that were at the hotel !
we bought a few souvenirs, t-shirts, fridge magnets, but also since we are both nuts about nuts (we love snacking on them) we bought a few different types of bali nuts (their names escape me now) that were really yummy.

the last 2 days of our trip though, hubby had a toothache. it was an old problem, he had seen a dentist and was advised to have the tooth extracted but he kept on postponing it. i have been bugging him to go and take care of it, but of course, he didnt because the pain wasnt always there. so of course, the pain came back while we were on holiday! in bali! no point nagging anymore. but because of the pain we decided to ditch the plan to try the seafood dinner in Jimbaran as some people had suggested to us, because he couldnt chew very well by then and would not be able to enjoy it anyway.

all in all it was a good trip. the flight back was thankfully smooth, and hubby was actually talking about possibly going there again, yay!
note: he went to the dentist a day after we got home and got the tooth taken care of too. hee.. ;)

happy mother's day

i was in my bereavement clinic this week and was seeing a couple who had lost 2 babies in 2 years.
dad is coping fairly well, better than his wife because he feels that going to work and keeping busy helps.
mom (and dad) agrees that it is more difficult for her to cope because she mostly stays at home and when their other children (they have 3 older ones) are at school she will be alone. and because she is the mother. with the support of the husband, she is taking up sewing and knitting classes just to occupy time. i asked what else can she do at home and she told me "i dont know, not much. i try to watch tv but these few weeks have been especially hard because there are so many shows and ads about mother's day.....".
i immediately agreed with her on that.

tomorrow is mother's day.
today marks the 9th month of mama's passing.
life goes on,, the crying has lessened a bit, but i still dreaded her birthday, the coming ramadhan &  syawal, the date Aug 9th .. because i knew i will be missing her more on these occasions. for some reason i had sorta forgotten about mother's day until i first saw about it on tv a few weeks ago. so i guess you can say i was a bit taken aback, makes me miss her even more and made the tears appear again.
even when she was alive the mother's day shows and ads on tv can make me emotional, but back then i could just call her right away, tell her i miss her, love her.. or if i am in town, celebrate the day with her with our family, a special lunch or dinner.
this year onwards, we can no longer do that.

my sister called me the other day, crying as she heard a mother's day ad on the radio as she was driving (read:stuck in an awful jam) to work.
so it's not just me.. it's difficult for all of us.

the bereavement continues on.
we love you mama. alfatihah.

last year we celebrated mother's day and our dad's bday together. here they were with the 3 grandkids. i almost missed it because i was at a wedding. so glad hubby & me still tried our best and drove all the way to join the dinner. who knew it was the last time we were able to celebrate mother's day with our dearest mama. 

what i wish i could've wished for on my 40th birthday

1.1.2015.
new year's day.
my favourite holiday (not a public holiday in a few states in malaysia, including the one i am working in, buuuuut let's not get into that)
my birthday! (ONE reason why it is my favourite holiday).

i am now 40 years old. yikes!

actually, wow. i am 40. i have reached a milestone. THE milestone.

when i was 10, i probably never even imagined how or what i was going to be at 40. my own parents hadnt even reach 40 at the time. so anyone at 40 was just old.

when i was 20 i probably did imagine myself at 40, wishing that by then, i would become a successful doctor, with my own huge house with its own swimming pool, a really cool car, married with 3 kids. maybe, i dont really remember.

when i was 30, i do remember having a good time, enjoying life, dating, but not seriously thinking about marriage, and still wishing that at least in 10 years time, i would become a specialist, maybe a kid, a loving cat or two at least, a house, a cool car.

then when i turned 35, i decided to celebrate my birthday for the last time. not too confident about becoming or getting all of the above anymore. i stopped wishing for anything. i felt that there was no way i could get all that by the time i become 40, which was just 5 years then down the line. it seemed quite impossible. so i treated a few of my closest girlfriends to a small makan2 at a nice place in KL and told them i was doing this because this was the last time i was actually celebrating my birthday. anything above 35 already appeared depressing.

and i told myself to stop counting. stop thinking about turning 40.

but here i am, 40. yup, just a number. you dont need to be counting, but inevitably, you still age. everyone does. you have to face it.

i am now married. i have a lovely husband. i have 2 stepkids, although i dont get to see them very often because they are not staying with us. no cats yet. i bought a small apartment in KL, there's a pool in the courtyard, but since i am working away from KL, i'm staying at a rented place instead for now. my car is a small one, but it's still cool enough. keyword: affordable.

and yet the one thing i find myself wishing for on my birthday this year was something i never thought i would be wishing for at the "young" age of 40.
for my mama to still be here.
so i could actually talk to her about aging.
so i could whine to her about the growing numbers of grey hairs on my head, and the wrinkles appearing on my face, and how (depressingly) difficult it is to lose weight at this age (blame the low metabolic rate).
so i could make nasi ayam with her for my birthday, because her nasi ayam was the best.
so i could share with her all the corny 4-series jokes and hear her laugh.
and teased her about how she was in labor with me for 2 years (1974-1975, get it? ha-ha)
and most importantly, so i could hug and kiss her, and thank her, for giving birth to me, and loving me the way she had all these years.

if only i could wish that.
but that is obviously impossible.

so all i can do now is send her a prayer everytime i think of her.
which is still very often.

cerita menjelang tahun baru.

1st year marriage:

mr hubby: sayang, it's so cool that we got married hujung tahun kan. and that your birthday is just a few days after that.. on new year's day! everywhere we go the mood is so festive. and everywhere there's fireworks! love it!

2nd year marriage:

mr hubby: sayang, it's so rugi that we got married hujung tahun kan.and that your birthday is just a few days after that. flights and hotels are so expensive because of the super-peak season it's so difficult to get reservations! dok rumah jelah. celebrate kemudian ok.

moral of the story: takpe, yang penting dia still sayang ;)
happy anniversary, baby.

mama

last entry here was more than a year ago. looks like this is becoming an annual thing only now for me. sadly.
i blame FB and IG. maybe updating my status there, although not really very often, was often enough that i didnt feel like i needed to blog anymore.
until now.

16th Sept is Malaysia Day.
it is also my mama's birthday. it would've been her 64th this year.
but instead it will mark the 39th day of her passing.
how i miss her.
how we all miss her.

she has been battling a recurrence of her breast cancer, which, just about 6 weeks before her passing, we found out had already metastasized to her lungs and bones. when she got bilateral pleural effusion (fluid in her lungs) and was admitted to the hospital during ramadhan, i feared that that was it. that she might not make it to raya.
but she did. she was discharged from hospital after 10 days of being admitted there, just a few days before raya. i was fortunate to get a whole week off for raya this year, and even though it is supposed to be muar this year for me and hubby (his hometown), his mom and him decided that we spend raya at my parents' in KL first instead. both of us were glad we did. it was a very meaningful  raya for us. it was the 1st time all 3 of us siblings were around to raya in KL with our parents.
it was also the last raya we'll ever celebrate with our beloved mama.
she passed away on 13th Syawal, the 9th of August.

i thought i was ready.
i stayed with her in the hospital the night before she passed, kissing her face, her hands, stroke her hair, recited verses from the holy Quran for her as she became more unconscious.
in between that i even googled about the muslim preparations for  burial, the washing, the shrouding.
but no matter how ready i thought i was.. i was so shaken and couldnt stop my tears when we were told she was really gone.
having been familiar with the hospital and the things needed done after a patient dies in the ward, and also being the eldest, i imagined that i would be the one taking charge of things. calling people to inform, getting all the documents settled, etc etc etc.
but no.
my dad and my siblings took care of all that.
hubby had to pull me aside.. away from everyone, into a deserted area in the ward, where all i could do was sob uncontrollably in his arms.

mama was not only my mother. she was my best friend for 39 years.
we were apart for quite awhile when i was growing up. i went to boarding school at 13, and before i completed secondary school, she went overseas to work, with my dad and my younger brother. for 13 years after that we never get to spend raya together, and only saw each other at about once a year. but however faraway we were from each other, i always felt that we still remained close.
i could tell her anything. and i did. and i really miss that. just talking to her about things.
i could hangout with her. i like hanging out with friends of course, but i loved going out with her too. after she retired and was back in malaysia for good, even going to the pasar malam near our house in KL was something i would really look forward to. it's on once a week at midweek, so being away from KL, i dont get to go very often, and when i did, it was always with her (and also that's where i did most of my tudung shopping- and she was the best shopping partner ever).
we both love cooking shows, and she knew almost all the chefs on the food network channel. she had a couple of favourites, and she talked about them like they were her friends. ("oh Ina said we should cook it this way not this way.."she would claim. and we'll be like "Aina who-?", and she'll be like "alah..I-na.. Ina Garten kat food network tu..').
watching food network will never be the same again.

God, i miss her. i miss her laughter (wide smile showing her teeth, not much sound, but very often she laughed with tears in her eyes).

God, i really feel like i havent spent enough time in this world with her yet. but i know. that however much i love her, God loves her more.
and that makes me feel a bit better. that God, the ever merciful, the ever generous, had lent her to us in this world. so we could love her, and always feel loved by her. this great woman. our supermama.
and now i continue to pray for her. that she is happy and safe where she is now. and hope i will get to see her again in the gardens of Jannah.
ameen.

                                                    i love u mama.
                                                    al-Fatihah.

winds of change

no. this is not a political post.

it has been a year since my last entry here, you think i would waste in on politics?
but since we mentioned it, i would just like to mention here that it was my 3rd time voting (made me feel like a veteran) and somehow, this time around, the election day and the days going to it felt really ""festive".
maybe because there were way more voters this time.. with many having to "balik kampung" to vote, plans were made to book leaves or change calls (for those of us having to do oncalls), travel plans (to avoid traffic jams etc).
maybe the indelible ink has got something to do with it too, with evryone making a fuss about how truly/falsely indelible it actually is.. and all the blue (or red) finger tips u see posted by voters on FB and Instagram etc.
(i have to insert this story here too, just heard it from a friend --> apparently quite a number of voters marked the X on the voting papers using the ink on the fingers thinking that was what the ink was for!!!! aha-ha-ha..!!)
i know of some non-voters who actually felt "left behind" this time around because of their blue-less bare fingers on that day.
plus i think the fact that we have FB and Twitter etc now(we had them on the last elections too but they werent utilized as widely and openly as they are today) which makes even the most ignorant and disinterested people (like moi)more aware of what is going on. the atmosphere that day was simply.. i dont know.."electric:? i guess..(no pun intended ;)) with evryone waiting anxiously for the results.. and it did take a ridiculously long time for the results to come out too!

but hey. like i mentioned earlier, this is not a political post.

i mentioned somewhere in my last few postings that 2011 was a blur for me what with the final exams and my mom getting breast cancer and then being transferred back to mlka.

then 2012 came and went.
i  completed my masters (finally!) and have now been transferred further south in JB to serve.
work-wise is the same.. cant expect to not be busy when you are in the medical field, but the are some differences of course. different colleagues, different bosses, different staff, different hospital. different city.

my mom completed her chemo and radiotherapy mid last year and was well for awhile but unfortunately now has a recurrence and needs to do chemo again before we proceed for a mastectomy. we are obviously all bummed about that but she is otherwise still up and about around the house so we are still very thankful.

i got married (yea, okay, you can perhaps say "finally!" here too.. to others it may seem that way but to me i think the word "actually" is probably more befitting...as in "i actually got married!".. yes i couldnt believe it myself!)
no. it wasnt an arranged marriage.
no. i wasnt drugged/comatose/hypnotized/held at gunpoint.
no. it wasnt the sultan of a certain state as i planned.
yes. i fell in love with another commoner.
yes. i was in love.
and yes. i am still in love.

now, with the change of title to my name (i'm still amused by the realization that i am an actual Puan now when the salespeople address me randomly as that..heee), it is interesting to note the change to people's  reaction to anything that i do or say as well.
when i was single, the feedbacks i get to almost anything is "dah kawen belum" or "bila u nak kawen ni?"
eg. (Me vs P (people))
  1.  Me: Hi.. lamanya tak jumpa!!
          P: Yelah..u nampak sama macam dulu...dah kawen belum? Belum? Bila u nak kawen ni?
  2.  Me: Hi..lama tak jumpa!!
          P: Yelah..u nampak lain sekarang.. still belum kawen? Bila u nak kawen ni?
  3.  P: Happy birthday!
       Me: Thank you!!
       P: Bila u nak kawen ni?
  4. Me: Selamat hari raya!
       P: Selamat hari raya. Bila u nak kawen ni?
  5.  Me: Nice wedding.
       P: Yelah.. bila u punya wedding pulak?"
  6.  P: Hey, the 47 yo singer is finally getting married! Bila u pulak nak kawen ni?
  7.  P: Hey, so&so is getting married-the 3rd time alrdy! Bila u pulak nak kawen ni?
  8.  P: Congrats dah jadi pakar... bila nak kawen pulak ni?"
  9.  P: Wahhh.. dah beli kereta baru... bila nak kawen pulak ni?"
10.  P: Your mom has cancer? So sorry to hear that..bila u nak kawen ni?

you get the picture.
well, now that i am married.. things change.......... or have they?
eg.

 1. Me: Lamanya tak jumpa!
     P:   Yelah.. dah ada anak? bila nak pregnant?
 2. P: Happy birthday! Bila nak pregnant?
     Me: Ha-lo..i got married 3 days ago (it's true.. i got married 3 days before my bday)
3.  P: U transferred to JB alrdy? Dah pregnant belum?
4.  P: U look like u've gained weight. Dah pregnant ke?
5.  P: Sedapnya tengok food u makan (posted in FB). Dah pregnant ke?
5.  P: U still drink that much coffee? When u get pregnant u cannot drink anymore haaa..
6.  P: U demam? Pregnant kot...
7.  P: Hey, nice new baju. Are u pregnant?
8.  P: U coming back to KL to vote? Good for u. Dah pregnant belum?
9.  P: U drive JB-KL-JB by yourself? Careful.. mana tau pregnant ke..
10. Your mom's cancer is back? so sorry to hear that.....so, are you pregnant yet?

..........................................................................................................................................................

shoutout to all family & friends: belated thanks for coming to the wedding, thanks for all the well wishes, here's a prayer for all of us to always love and be loved, to respect each other, to remain united, to be safe and for happiness always. ameen.

There's an obese kid in the room...cant u see??

Oncall again. Another resuscitation. Despite all we did, another child dead.

 This is the one thing about my job that I hate the most. But most times, I am able to deal with it, and tell myself that we had tried our best. I know as well that my colleagues and I have to often remind ourselves and each other, that no matter how bad we want to, we cant save everyone. I usually am most aggrieved when the child that died had been a relatively "well" child, no known illness, pretty much a normal kid. But in this case, although the family claims their child had been "normal & healthy" prior to getting this bout of infection few days ago, I really have to disagree.

One look at the patient you can tell that he has a serious medical condition. It was so obvious. But probably the family never saw it as a medical problem. I'm sure most of the people who knew him and had seen him (or other children like him) didn’t think so either.

The patient was 5 years old. He weighed more than 40kg.

He was morbidly obese! So much so that we couldn’t see his neck, and when he collapsed, the doctors in the ward knew right away that they would have difficulty intubating him but fortunately they manage to get the anaesth in to help.

But all was not well. His heart stopped 3 more times after that, and we couldn’t revive him anymore after the 3rd round. He died less than 12 hours after he was admitted.

It was so sad to see the doctors huffing & puffing doing CPR on a 5-year old kid! They should have been able to do the chest compressions using only one hand! But because of his big size, they still had to climb on the bed and do the compressions with both hands. And because his weight was waaay off the chart for his weight, his meds were given based on the ideal weight for his height, which was not as accurate as compared to giving meds to a kid with proper normal weight.

He had an infection yes, but his heart was actually already hypertrophied, and that's most probably why he succumbed quite fast. His heart was already in trouble no thanks to his obesity, and all the infection did was tip it off the edge.

Like I said, I know that many people do not see obesity in children as a serious medical problem, just like it is in adult  (and even that is only recently recognized and accepted by the public), because when I do see an obese child and pass the comment to the parents, the reaction I usually get from the parents (who would have brought the child in for another complaint usually eg. Fever/cough/runny nose/etc) would range from -- "Eh tak baiklah doktor ni cakap anak saya gemuk" or "ha-ah la doktor, tapi dia ok, main semuanya ok, takde apa2".

So in this case, although I am still aggrieved that we couldn’t save him, I cant help but feel that the adults are still to be blamed for letting him get as fat as he is. People need to recognize that obesity is a SERIOUS problem in children as well as adults, and that chubby fat kids do not equal cuteness, and do not especially portray healthiness (observe that many people will say "wahhh…sihatnye anak awak ni" instead of "wahh..obes-nye anak awak ni"). I understand that we dont want to hurt their feelings, we wanna be sensitive, which is fine, dont say it to the parents' face in public, or dont say it in front of the kid, but dont mask or hide the problem by implying that it's ok to be fat, the kid is still really cute. (in my defence, when I do make the comment above, that a kid looks obese, it is honestly out of concern for the kid, not passing judgement to the parents..but ok, I get it, people are sensitive... I should be more sensitive too..).

And when I say people, I do mean EVERYONE of us, including doctors and medical staff, because I know for a fact that there are doctors who prescribe vitamin supplements, and other supplements like omega-3-fish oil and colostrum to kids with cough and cold, in addition to the usual meds. It's one thing if it's for a skinny kid or even a normal kid with perhaps poor appetite, but if it’s a real chubby obese kid sitting in front of you in the clinic, you should findout why he/she is so, and then try and get them to lose the weight instead of supplying them with more multivitamins, colostrum and fish oil! (if it's simple obesity of course.. Other diagnoses need to be ruled out as a cause for the obesity ie metabolic syndrome etc whereby you would then need to refer them to the experts, but reducing weight still plays a huge part in the treatment).

Anyway, I'm definitely not an expert, but I do believe that we need to be able to identify that there is a problem first before we can actually try and solve it.

Kids, eat healthy, play more!
Parents, get ur kids to eat healthy and play more!!

KONY 2012 - save the children

Whatthe hey-? A medley.

1st week back in Melaka. Conversation with one of the bosses:

JT: so, in case you don’t know this yet emie, our department here is very fertile..
Me: huh?
JT: yea, everyone seems to end up pregnant here.. so I better warn you.. ha-ha (nervous laugh)
Me: umh.. ha-ha (real nervous now..whatthe hey-)

2nd week in Melaka. A female security guard waved at me, she actually remembered my face.
Guard: Hey doktor, lama tak nampak.
Me: ye kak, saya pindah KL 2 tahun.
Guard: oo..sekarang dah balik sini balik?
Me: ye kak *smile*
Guard: oo..baguslaah… Gemuk dah doktor sekarang ye!
Me: ..haha..yelah kak .. *smile*

The next day. Same guard, smiled at me. I smiled back.
Guard: Doktor, dah memang kerja balik sini lah ye?
Me: ha, ye kak..
Guard: Doktor gemuk betul la sekarang ye..
Me: ..haaa.. y e .. k a k… *smile paksa*

Later that same day. Same guard, with another guard. I could feel it coming. Smiled at me and waved. I waved back. Prayed that the elevator doors would open immediately as I pressed the button. They were  just a few feet away from me.
Guard (telling the other guard): tu doktor tu kerja sini dulu, sekarang dah balik sini balik. Dah gemuk dah dia sekarang..dulu kurus.
Me: (whatthe hey-?) *acute depression*

2nd month in Melaka. Doing post-call rounds in adult ICU, 7am, in scrubs, haven’t showered yet. Approached by the ICU staff:
RN: doktor, you HO(houseman a.k.a graduated doctor in-training AND mostly very young) GA(general anaesthesia) ke HO surgery?
Me: *Stunned*
RN: Eh, doktor, doktor ni HO GA ke HO surgery?
Me: err..saya MO (a.k.a medical officer..and mostly older more mature doctor)  ..
RN: oh ye ke.. sorry, sorry, ingatkan houseman tadi.
Me: (what the hey-? You made my day!!!) *perasan smirk ON!*

Just yesterday.  Doing oncall morning rounds by myself. Approached by a houseman from my own department, who has worked with me for at least the past one week:
HO: you jaga jaundice cubicle jugak ke?
Me: huh?
HO: you jaga jaundice cubicle jugak ke?
Me: still huh?
HO: …realization hits as she slowly starts to recognize and remember who I was again ….oh, sorry doctor, I thought you were the houseman here…so sorry..
 and dengan penuh sheepish-nya she left me…
..and again I was stunned.
Ok, but that HO memang known for her dumb-blonde attitude lah... but, seriously?
Whatthe hey-?

ouch! crushes hurt too.

i had this huge crush on this guy for the past 2 years. but a crush is a crush.. nuthin serious, not to the point that i wanted to do anything about anyway. friends who knew about him did "layan" me for fun, teased me, asked me to kirim salam (sheeshh.. the more i write this the more high-school it sounds..so embarassing!!)
so anyway, like i said, it was fun while it lasted, it felt "light" and harmless..another eye-candy for me, or so i thought until i found out that he is now engaged and soon to be married (dont ask me how i know or found out, because it is sooooooo high school tween stalker stuff, it'll make me look even more pathetic). i was shocked, because i thought he was still single, like, dont-even-have-a-gf-single, and now he's soon to be married!! and boy was i crushed. i surprised myself even, cuz i didnt think i actually cared so much :(
sorry heart, i let u down.

me.uptodate.

o wow.
it is now 2012, and we're already a week into February.
my last entry was many many many moons ago.

where do i even start?

last year was a very trying and tiring year indeed. i remember how last year, 2011, started for me.
i was oncall on that last day of the year 2010, when the country won a football game against indonesia, and the people were given a public holiday for that.. but being the doctor oncall on that day, i still had to work anyway, but it's now made worse by the fact that i was oncall on a public holiday instead of just a weekday, which we doctors hate.. i also later realized that i was working through the new year's eve of which the numbers were turning into 1.1.11.
imagine, the number a lot of pregnant mothers had been eyeing to be their babies' birthdate.
it was one-hell-of-a-busy call.
i was flat, dead tired the next day, which was new year's day 2011, the day i had dreaded coming, as i was gonna turn 36 on that day, and for some reason i was really depressed about that. that was how last year started for me.

and then it was all blurry.

 all i could remember were the damn exams!! it was like  this huge gravitational thing, that no matter whatever else i was doing, whoever else i was supposed to be with or shud be concentrating on, it kept pulling my attention back to it. no matter what i did, and as much as i hated it, and hate to admit it, it became the center of my so-called universe, the one thing i hated most but could not ignore. yuck. i dont remember much about what went on last year except for the bloody exams, i even remember just staying at my aunt's place studying, even during Eid!
so thank God Almighty that it passed.  i passed. only with God's great mercy and grace of course.

during those hated days studying for the exams, just as it was looming round the corner, my family was hit by the news that my mom has breast cancer. she found a lump during a self-exam, and we had it checked, and it was cancer. no family history, nothing. my mom was always conscious about her heath ,and had been quite healthy. she underwent the surgery to remove the tumor just after my written exam,  and is currently still undergoing chemo. she has lost a lotta weight ,and hair..but we have God to thank again that she is otherwise quite well. except for the few days after she gets her chemo when she'll be a bit weak from all the nausea and vomiting, on regular days she is otherwise up and about as usual around the house.

then, relieved that the exam was finally over, so i can perhaps now concentrate on my family especially my mom.. i was told to leave KL and go back to work in Melaka. such mixed feelings i had when i got the news..
i hated working in (UM)KL, but staying at my parents' house was a real bessing.
to be back working in Melaka would not be bad at all, i think, as anywhere is better than where i was (UM), but it also means having to part ways with my mom again, at a time when i feel like i should be around her more. but i followed orders and back to melaka i went.

then all of a sudden, as friends and relatives started to find out about my mom's illness, we were struck with another sudden sad news, my uncle..my mom's only sibling, her older brother.. died in an MVA, after his motorbike was hit by another bike. i could only imagine what my mom must have been feeling that day. we needed to stay strong for her, for my uncle's family, my cousin, and our opah.

all the sad stories aside, we did have things to be happy and thankful about. my parents got another grandson, in the name of Azhan Nazrie, my sister's 3rd kid, born on 27th May 2011. along with the 2 older kids, Amirah and Aliff, they remain our greatest loves, bringing us joy every time they are back from bintulu for a visit.

i got an aparment of my own, altho i havent had the chance to properly stay there yet. i also finally departed from my 1st baby-kelis3037-who had witnessed many tears, blood n sweat shed by me at her steering wheel. and i'm not ashamed to admit i bawled like a baby the day i gave her away..but it was in exchange for my current beau-PaulthePolo, so i recovered rather quickly. (yes, i name my cars.heee)

i feel like there were more to 2011 than what i've typed so far, but my mind is drawing a blank right now. probably it was those damn exams again, obscuring parts of my memory in my brain, or maybe i'm out of practice, havent made an entry in here for almost a year now.

i'm happy to report that i welcomed the new year more readily this year, even though it still brought with it another bigger number for my age as expected. i spent each meal on that day with different people, completing it off with a durian feast courtesy of my beloved brother. so i had a good birthday. probably because i also made sure that this time, i was not oncall that new year's eve.  i think people just love getting a kid on new year's day, coz let's face it, it IS cool to have new year's day as your birthday.

my current life soundtrack

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

....................................................................................................................


Not a fan of miley cyrus, but this song fits with what's going on with my life right now.
sigh.
so i'm just gonna have to go at it again in 6 months time.
sigh again.
hopefully this "failing pattern" of mine stops then. once and for all.
God help me.

kim clijsters is cool!!

melancholic merapu

seeing things i shouldnt be seeing.

hearing things i shoudnt be hearing.

saying things i shouldnt be saying.

infuriating.

annoying.

frustrating.

disappointing.

depressing.

feeling like i shouldnt have these feelings.

hating for hating.

hating for loving.

loving to loving.

infuriating.

frustrating.

disappointing.

depressing.

dreaming, dreaming, and dreaming.

wanting.

why even bother wishing.

is it worth, the praying?

knowing that i shouldnt have these feelings.

drowning.

in desperation.

in own stupidity.

jodoh, jodoh, where art thou, jodoh?

someone said this to me a few weeks back:

you know, God make jodoh for each person in this world. there is no such thing as "tak ada jodoh". there is only lambat or cepat. so you know, dont give up on your jodoh, emie. he is out there for you. you just have to keep your eyes open, and you must always..believe.

sheesh. i felt like i was reading a "poyo" script in a malay tv drama.

i already know all that. why did this person feel like i need to be told of this again? am i giving the impression that i've given up? or that i dont think that i have a jodoh?

although i've to admit that i am lazy about keeping my eyes open.. coz whenever i have the chance, id like to catchup on my precious sleep.

but i digress.

yes, ok, so i know my jodoh is out there somewhere. he's just not here yet because:

1) he lives in another continent, and still has no idea where malaysia is

2) he's lost in his 4x4 in a remote jungle somewhere on his way to finding me

3) he's still too busy with his humanitarian work

4) he's still too busy governing his country

5) he's still too busy with his duties as sultan of his state (or country!)

6) he's a race car driver, who got into an MVA on his way to see me

7) he's dead (see you in the afterlife, baby!)

8) he got cold feet

9) he decided to turn gay instead

10) he hasnt turn 21 yet

11) he's not of legal-driving age yet

12) he's not baligh yet

13) he's just plain lazy (now THERE's a match made in heaven!)

huh. so i guess these can also double up as comebacks whenever people also ask "how come you're not married?" (see previous blog a few entries back)

call paeds, the placenta is coming!

scene in the operating theater while a friend of mine was standing by with a nurse for a delivery.

RN: by the way doctor, just to let you know, we have another case after this.

MD: ok, what's the case?

RN: MRP

MD: ... ?? err... Manual Removal of Placenta??

RN: yes doctor.

MD: ...??? and you want me to standby?

RN: yes doctor.

MD: ..(turning blue from trying not to laugh)... err kak, saya doktor sambut baby, tak sambut placenta!!

RN: oh, ye ke doktor?

Games backs safe sex despite plumbing problems

NEW DELHI (AFP) - – Commonwealth Games chief Mike Fennell said he was happy to see competitors engaging in safe sex at the athletes village even if it caused problems with the plumbing.

Reports claimed that thousands of used condoms had been clogging up the toilets at the village, which is home to 7,000 competitors.

"This shows that athletes are being responsible and are promoting safe sex," said Commonwealth Games Federation president Fennell on Thursday.

The Daily Telegraph reported a condom vending machine had been installed at the village, containing around 4,000 contraceptive packs.

help! my baby is laughing..

heard this from a friend of mine, who saw a patient, a 1+ yr old malay baby, brought to the hospital for a burn injury to the face.

history taken: parents were worried that their child may have been "possessed" by some spirits. reason?

the kid likes to laugh and babbles by himself, even when there was no one around (lemme remind you again, the kid is just past 1 year old, not even speaking very much yet at all, so if you ask me... he's perfectly normal!!).

so what do the parents do?

they brought the kid to a bomoh (of course!). and the bomoh did the usual..mutters a few words of mantera.. burn some kemenyan.. carry the burning kemenyan in its little claypot container thingy over the kid's head and "smokes" him (or the spirits out-God knows), and .. whoops! the container tilted..and whoops! all the burning kemenyan fell onto the poor kid's face!!

kid cries, of course (he obviously wont be laughing for quite awhile..at least not until he's in good spirits again). according to my friend, good thing the eyes were not affected, or he could've been blind!

sheesh..

scary-part deux

thank the Lord. alin's sister is back with the family! i'm so happy and relieved for alin and her family.

now that i know she's safe, i thought i'll just share here what alin told me she had to go through in search of her sister.

after they've made the police report, her family tried to contact her sister on her cell, as she later did send an sms to her mom, telling her she's with a friend or sth like that. when they tried again, her cell was off. so they asked if maxis could help locate where she was based on the sms. maxis wouldnt release the info without a letter or order from the police. so they went back to the police to ask for the letter. guess what the police told alin?

"oh saya cuti hari ni, so esok sajalah ambik surat tu!"

wtf?

alin of course, i can imagine, got angry la.. the more you delay the process, the further away her sister would be, and more difficult for them to trace!

so she went back and wrote a formal email of complaint to the PDRM website.

her dad in the meantime, got a direct number to the super-chief of police, and complained directly.

and barulah the sergeant got on his ass to issue the order and trace the number from maxis. and they found out that her sister could be in penang already! if they had waited the next day..tah2 dah across the border!

i mean, cuti tu cutilah, but takkan tak ada orang ganti?

and it's not a sempoi case like my friend got her cat stuck in a tree, it's her young sister freakin' missin'!

sheessh..

scary!

http://www.bharian.com.my/bharian/articles/Remajahilangkandirimahucarikebebasan_ketenangan/Article

my fren alin's sister went missing 3 days ago. as i'm posting this i'm not sure if she's back yet, coz last i talked to alin just this evening, apparently her sister had contacted the family and was supposed to be sent home by her so-called friend tonight. i drove past her house just now, but there were already lots of cars parked in front, including the police, i assume she is back, alin havent replied my text yet. God, i hope she's back, safe and sound.